Hi ya'll. I really need some advice. I won't keep this post up for very long, but I need to vent.
I am a teacher's aide who has been struggling with a potential stomach infection as well as muscle tension dysphonia (on and off for the last 2-3 months). I'm on a leave of absence right now due to the infection (that likely won't get approved….expecting to get fired at this point). I've exhausted all of my sick days because I have either been sick from viral infections or there were days where my MTD was so bad it made it hard to speak or swallow. I was given some pretty powerful antibiotics to fight off the infection I currently have and am reeling from their effects. As for those of you who haven't heard of muscle tension dysphonia, it sucks. It really sucks. No one really understands how you feel or what it's like to have (the best way I can describe it, is that it feels like someone's choking you; not to be crude) and that's what leads me into my next segment.
I like to think of myself as a hard worker. I ask questions whenever I need clarification on things and I try and put all of my effort into everything I do. I was placed with a pretty wonderful teacher/colleague at the beginning of the school year this past August and we got along pretty well. But, due to my health issues that I've been experiencing recently, I haven't communicated with students as much as I should have due to the muscle tension surrounding my vocal cords. It sometimes takes nearly all of my energy to get a sentence out. There were a couple of days where I would try and only communicate when needed because I was so physically and mentally exhausted. I would try and sit at my computer to check emails, when I probably should have been circulating more and assisting students and doing other needed tasks. But I couldn't. I have been in the teaching profession for four years. Yes, we NEED to speak. We don't have a choice. I get it. But, I feel like my teacher was not as understanding as she could have been because she occasionally sent me long text messages recently about the importance of being able to communicate. She has a right to be upset. I understand that.
I feel like she might have gone to administration to discuss my shortcomings because of her attitude toward me in the recent weeks. She knows about my vocal disorder. Her and I don't chit chat like we used to and our interactions don't have the natural flow to them like they used to. I did get an email from her tonight with a schedule detailing EVERY LITTLE POSSIBLE THING she expects me to do during the school day. I feel if I go back I will be so micromanaged. There were so many things that she included in the footnotes that feel as if they are a direct attack toward me.
I don't return from my leave of absence (that again, won't likely get approved} until next week. I want to leave the teaching profession anyway because too much is expected of us. We're expected to be superhereos and show up to work when sick and get scolded at when we don't. I don't get paid a livable wage, and I don't feel valued by my teacher anymore.
All I want to do is just quit. If anyone can offer me any advice, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'm really in a tough spot right now and need a good cry, I think.