I am currently at Lowe's. I'm leaving because this job has put me on a mental decline. This job hasn't even been difficult or overworking or TOO low-paying, a fact which makes me feel even worse for no reason. With Lowe's, everytime I am about to go to work I am simply filled with dread and I become depressed and anxious to the point where I'm sitting in the bathroom until they call me over the overhead com. As a cashier, there's no place for me to hide myself if I have a breakdown.
What's more, is I'm tired of working somewhere until I'm crying in the bathroom more than once every shift. I am done with applying to one job after another after another, just to find someplace that gives me money. I don't even like money. I despise it. As a grown, fucking adult I say I don't want to work for the rest of my life this way.
I want to work for what matters to me, for nature, for directly helping people and my community, and for actual security.
I'm tired of the suicidal thoughts I worked so hard to suppress for up to now. I'm tired of feeling like my life hangs around being a cashier. I'm tired of feeling worthless because of how much I don't want to work.
Writing this helped. I'll keep trying to take care of myself. Apologies if I added to the somewhat depressing nature of this subreddit. Lemme know if there's anything I can do for myself or if you have something to share.