I've always seen myself as a striver, well, before I truly rediscovered who I actually am.
Growing up, I'd always look to go above and beyond in school, get straight As, win the science fairs, and do admirable things in my extracurricular activities; like volunteering at old folks' homes, and playing competitive sportsball. Of course, I'd always follow the rules and never rebel when I was young. Hell, I even begged my dad to send me to a fancy private school because I wanted to make connections with the children of the upper class, which would surely help me down the line.
Why you might ask? It's because I wanted to go to the best university ever!
See, if I could get into Harvard and join a good fraternity, the world would be my oyster! I could quickly ascend the ranks at Goldman Sachs, my dream company (I wanted to become an investment banker); from there, I could make so much money, meet a wonderbread girl of a similar background, and start a family in an affluent suburb (where I'd live a soulless consumerist life, the kind of life that's so depressing it causes many middle aged men to blow their brains out), repeating the cycle and following in the footsteps of my father (I'd even vote for the same conservative pricks he votes for, most likely)!
I had so much to look forward to when I was young, I truly was going to make it, I believed in myself. I believed in neoliberal world capitalism.
Yet, I was miserable and uncomfortable in my own skin. I knew it was all wrong. I felt like an impostor.
Then, at the age of 16, just for the hell of it, I dropped out, moved out far away, got a job and a fake ID. I'd soon discover conspiracy theories, psychedelic drugs, radical spirituality, anti-establishment ideologies, and all that. Eventually, having the truth about the world hit me like a ton of bricks, I was no longer an optimist, I was a pessimist, yet I was happy and I felt true to myself.
I was free forever more.
10 years later, I have no regrets.
Fuck the system!