I just feel like apart from seeing a therapist, I could really use another outlet where I can vent out my frustrations. Pls pardon any grammatical blunders as english really isn't my native language.
To rewind a little bit, i started this job during the peak of holiday season last year. Didn't get training at all. Sup just made me shadow other employees without even explaining to me what each aspect of the system that were using does. Took about a month for them to grant me access to the system and by this time, sup was going on a month long vacay. There was no assistant sup who could help me get acquainted with the system but no big deal, by this time I've already learned enough just by observing. Sup went on with her vacay and management left me in charge of this particular program/service and mind you, I've only been in the job for a month. They had to hurry and create my system access for another system that is used for this particular program and learn everything almost all on my own within just a couple of days. Long story short, horrible sup quit after about 7 months after i started this job….much to my relief. There were some talks within the company that i was supposed to be in the lead to become the next sup for this unit but policy is i have to apply for the position. Which I did, a little over a month later when the position became open. A couple of weeks later, got a call form the hr asking if I'm willing to accept the position of an assistant sup as they've apparently already hired someone for the position, an external applicant. I was crushed but thought hey, gotta take baby steps i guess. I just wanted some growth, something i can put on my resume. I asked how much the hourly rate for the asst sup was as well as for the sup position. Wasn't that much of a difference so i accepted the offer. New sup came in along with the other new hired staffs. Of course i have to be the one to train them despite the fact that my dept is severely understaffed and i was literally being pulled into different directions…training new hires, answer a colleague's questions, pick up the phone, take care of the customers, etc. Management offered very little support. Manager was supposed to be the one who should train the sup, not me. My mental health at this point really took a nose dive. Of course i was still a little salty and questioning their decision of hiring an external candidate for the position as oppose to me who already knows the system and stuff….and to add insult to injury, i have to train the new sup. Can't refuse or else manager will take it as an insubordination on my part. Fast forward to last week, sup and i got into an altercation over the fact that sup made a move in which she didn't notify me about it, knowing that i need to do my part first before scheduling a customer for a service because i have to do my research first. So of course i didn't have any info ready. Tensions flared, i mumbled something the sup didn't like and they came out of the office verbally attacking me with hostility and aggression in front of the customer. This really blows damage to my self esteem. I have been so tired of working this job. I've been asking the management for support like a laptop and phone i can take home that way i can do some of the job from home as it has been overwhelming since the company door opened fully after the covid lockdown. For the whole year since i started i only took off here and there for sickness and death of family. Did not schedule any vacation at all. After all of this, manager just basically gaslit me into feeling everything was my fault. Here's the kicker tho, i found out later (before the verbal altercation) that the sup and the other new hires all applied for the assistant sup position. This was even after i was already picked for the position. Only after being hired that they informed them that they will be the new sup. Also found out they are paid a $ less/hr than what i was told by the hr on the phone. Damn, i gave a year of my life just to be treated like a 2nd class citizen and overworked like shit. So yeah, as the title says….that's really how I've been feeling lately. The burnout is so real that i think i will finally schedule an appt for my mental health….for the first time ever.