So I recently switched careers after a long hiatus from work and when I moved into this new organisation I was very motivated and excited but over the course I’ve lost complete interest.
When I joined I had lot of difficulty picking up work as it was a completely new industry to me and I had not even studied all this in my education. And my boss immediately added me to my gram (which honestly is such an intrusive behavior as per me) and basically judged me from my content to take me as someone completely non-serious. Also, me not able to pick up on work immediately did not help my case. Also, I exhibited very awkward behaviours initially due to lot of feeling intimidated from my boss and that’s something I’ll never forget. 🥲
Long story short, after sometime passed my boss’s behavior towards me became completely despicable, belittling and never acknowledging anything decent also I have done. It is so pathetic that I know my boss has back bited about me, other people in my team also see me in a different light because my boss’s reactions are also very public.
In between I did confront my boss once about the behavior and then although we had a normal conversation, thereafter I experienced few weeks of ego clashes, and now it is in the zone where “i won’t praise you, rise up more and earn it” and for me personally I’m in the zone “bro, I don’t even know if I am going right? Just a thumbs up would be okay to proceed.” And we both are in the zone where we know we don’t like each other but we just co-exist. Atleast that’s how I feel.
So now I’ve completely lost interest in my work, my career and have no zeal to think and be creative and I engage in self-loathing for losing myself over the situation.
I don’t want to switch jobs, nor I’ll get one immediately (cuz salary expectations or role expectations don’t meet).
PS: I still have a looong way to go and learn all the tricks of the trade (this new industry).
And I constantly feel i’m upto no good.
God I hate my life and my career, right now. I used to be so ambitious and driven. And now it is like I just want to finish the job.
THIS IS SO NOT ME.