Alright, gather 'round, my fellow keyboard warriors. Buckle up because we're about to take a wild ride from the comfort of my couch to the dreadful land of morning commutes and shared refrigerators.
So, here's the scoop – I landed this cushy gig working entirely remote, right? I'm talking “in-my-pajamas-at-noon” type of remote. Life's great, unicorns are prancing, and I’m already making a nest in my cozy home-office setup. I'm so remote, I can't even spell “office”.
Then BAM! First week in, the powers-that-be drop a bomb. They announce a 10% force reduction and a shift to a ‘hybrid’ work model. Now, I've always been a fan of hybrids – cars, animals, heck, even tomatoes. But this? This is straight-up tomfoolery.
Remember my “no need to come to office more than once a month” clause? Well, that evaporated faster than my dreams of becoming a pro-bowler. Suddenly, I'm being herded to the office, like an unwilling sheep entering the fluorescent-light-filled abattoir of corporate life.
There's a catch, though. If you live more than x miles away from an office, you're exempt. I'm pretty sure my boss had a dartboard with a map on it when they decided this rule. Unfortunately, my dart landed smack in the middle of a bustling city, aka cubicle central.
Here's the cherry on top – they're tracking our office swipes. I feel like a mouse in a maze, monitored for how well I can scuttle to my designated cubicle. Just replace the cheese at the end with a lukewarm coffee and a stack of paperwork.
Now, it's become a survival game. How long can I pull off a 'Workaholics' meets 'Office Space' act? I'm trying to squeeze in 5-15 hours of actual work a week, doing the bare minimum, and praying no one notices.
So, here's my conundrum – I'm raking in a cool $85 an hour and sitting on a nice pile of free time. What's a guy to do with all these newfound riches and leisure? Any advice to ride this gravy train into an early retirement? Or at least something that would keep me from playing human tetherball in the office?
Hit me with your best shot, comrades. I'm all ears, as long as I don't have to swipe them to listen.
TL;DR – Remote worker turned involuntary office drone seeks wisdom to maximize the fruits of minimal effort. Seeking advice for a future where my couch is my castle again.