How common is it, and is it a manipulative tactic?
To begin with, my boss (who is the business owner herself) is a very nice person. Or at least it seemed so… well, I'll get there later. We have a lot of interests in common, a lot to talk about outside of work matters, and I suspect that's largely why I was hired – I had no experience in this industry, and said boss seemed super excited to meet someone who was a 'kindred spirit' in so many ways.
I do my job well, and I was happy to have a friendly professional relationship with such a nice person. I wasn't looking for a FRIEND friend, but eventually I thought she was, because she was often treating me like one. But whenever I started believing she actually wanted to be friends with me outside of work, she'd pull back in a way that made me realise I actually wasn't that important. This happened a few times; the first ones were rather insignificant and subtle. (Things like chatting with me verbosely about non-work stuff in messages, and then suddenly giving only curt and slightly rude responses to anything – going back and forth like this. Or begging me to show her something she was interested in, and then looking confused when I brought it to her like she'd asked.) But the last two made me pissed off. First, we were chit-chatting at work, and I told her about a movie I wanted to see. She got excited, said she must see that movie and told me we had to go see it together. We agreed on the date and all. Please note: I didn't ask, I didn't suggest this myself, she even qualified her proposal with 'that is, if you don't mind me coming with you?' It was 100% her idea, but she didn't show up. I called her and she said, 'oh, I hope you'll enjoy it, I wish I could see it too but I have other plans' as if she'd completely forgotten we ever agreed on anything. Well, I didn't mind too much, as I prefer watching films on my own, anyway. But it made me feel weird.
The next one was more serious, and the one that made me decide never to take her word for anything. It turned out we were going to the same event, and I was worrying about how to get home at night. She promised me she'd give me a ride home, no problem. She wouldn't want me to miss the event for the world, it was so lovely that I was attending, all the old stuff about hanging out together while we're there. First my alarm bells started ringing when I arrived and I couldn't see her anywhere. She later turned up with her group of friends and exclaimed 'oh, how are you here, what a surprise to see you here too!' and the alarm bells rang loudly. She'd clearly forgotten (or 'forgotten'?) and I didn't want to beg for a ride, so I looked up the last bus home (even though the event was only half done, but I'd rather miss the performance than not get home) and found out it had just gone. The lack of buses was why I'd originally not meant to go, until I was offered a ride. So I was stuck there, in an unfamiliar place. I watched the performance, then looked round for my boss and her group of friends, and they'd left their seats. I looked around for them in a panic, and they had completely disappeared. I sent messages and she didn't see them.
I never found them. There were no taxis available (and anyway I couldn't afford one), so in the end I had to walk home several miles in the pitch dark, in a remote industrial area. Took me three hours and several blisters to get home. I'm just glad I never took her word about something bigger. I certainly never will again.
What even is this? Why would you actively pretend that you want to be some kind of friends and then bail? I already noticed that she sometimes used our 'friendship' as an excuse to make some unreasonable demands, but it's not like making empty promises makes for loyal employees, so I really don't understand what the point was here. Right now I'm assuming it's just a manipulative tactic, but it's such a poor one. After these tactics I just decided I'm going to look for another job because all trust is gone on my end. I assume that wasn't exactly her goal?
I can't stress this enough, I never in any way latched onto her or pursued her 'friendship'. I was just trying to do my job, and she kept suggesting these non-work-related things, which obviously meant nothing in the end.
Sorry for the rant. My blisters are still aching. lol