Before anyone says that I’m lazy or anything hurtful.. please don’t say it, because I’m already beating myself up mentally over this.
I’ve tried working full time many times.. currently, I’ve been at my full time job for exactly one year. I feel like I’m going to die. Yes that’s dramatic, but the amount of anxiety, exhaustion, depression, sadness, worthlessness is just overwhelming. I’ve tried using PTO, therapy, medication, just “sucking it up”, making sure I’m eating enough, sleeping enough, doing things I enjoy (which I can’t do often because I’m so exhausted that all I want to do is lay down)… I don’t know what to do at this point and I just want to break down and cry.
I can’t afford to work part time, and I’ve already tried working from home as a full time employee and that didn’t work either.
My quality of life is severely impacted by this. I don’t have the energy to hang out with people (I’m super introverted so that’s already a hurdle for me), I barely have energy to take care of myself, let alone my environment, my muscles are always tense to the point of pain because I’m so anxious, I have problems sleeping, appetite issues, digestive issues.. I feel f*ckin hopeless.
What can I do? I feel so just… worthless and upset that I can’t just work like everyone else. I try and mask how I’m really feeling because I know I’ll either get sh*t for the way I feel or dismissed somehow.
I just.. I need help. I can’t keep going on like this, trying to fit into “the norm” and be a full timer just because that’s how things are “supposed to be”… it genuinely feels like I’m going to break at some point.