I'm thinking lately, maybe I should end my fucking life at this point? See, I thought school was shit, but holy hell, it was infinitely better than adulthood. Currently I'm a charter school teacher, deep in debt as all idiot graduates are, like plenty of young fools I also did nothing of value in college and then the last year I could've got an internship COVID happened, and then I still didn't intern during the pandemic year.
Didn't even get my fucking license during the pandemic year. In all honesty I feel like an absolute fucking failure and loser. I remember being in high school and mocking the idea of being a teacher, I'm living my worst life. Now I don't have the time to even get a driver's license anymore whereas I did in HS. I don't have time for things like new job training. I'm just out of time. I failed to pursue my actual dreams, now it's too late for me to even at least have a decent fucking life. There is no hope for me. My city has become an insanely overpriced shithole over the years, I have no future, New York City has no future either, the only thing keeping me sane is my gf.
In April I tried to hang myself, honestly I wish I didn't break out of the rope, there's just nothing for me to live for anymore.