Idk if i need advice or not because i think i know what i need to do, but at the very least i feel like i just need to vent because if i keep all of this in my head for another second I'm going to pop. (But obviously feel free to chime in about anything)
So i graduated with a degree in graphic design in 2018, and it's pretty much been downhill from there. In the five years since 3 of them have been me doing design work at two different places (both jobs i hated, underpaid me despite me putting in a lot of extra work, and still i was in the first round of layoffs at both places when they hit financial troubles), one year working at kroger between jobs, and now I'm working at a screen printing place. I liked the job at first but like everything else that was beaten out of me relatively quickly with insane hours (last week we did 7-5 and this week it's gonna be 7-6/7) insane conditions (in the summer the shop stays between 85-105°F with little airflow) and insane expectations with little compensation (I'm in charge of one of the two presses, but despite doing 2 or 3 times as much work as the people who support me i only make $2 per hour more). I just recently passed a year there last month and despite consistently being praised for how much work i put in i haven't been approached for a review or offered a raise, so I'm looking for other places.
I found another shop that wants to hire me for graphic design, but wants me to start printing because they're so backed up and I'm afraid it's just going to be the same thing I'm currently at again. On the flipside there's another place i plan to apply to that's just basically processing graphics, nothing creative, but it pays really well and actually has benefits. I'm trying to decide between them but for some reason i also feel guilty for leaving my current job high and dry when they're busy, which I'm trying to stop because of how I've been treated by management.
And all that to say I don't even think i like graphic design anymore, at least not doing it for someone else. Every job I've had so far has felt so stupid and pointless and yet it feels like i always have to be thinking about them. I have my own personal goals and aspirations outside of work but it seems like my life up to this point has been “worry about work or worry about finding better work” when sometimes i just wish i had a job where i could just sit at and pick up a paycheck. I feel like I'm constantly being pushed by loved ones and societal expectations to have all these corporate career aspirations when the truth is I couldn't give less of a shit and it seems like no one in my life can understand that. I just want a job that can pay my bills and doesn't physically kill me so i can afford to live and work on my little passion projects, but more and more it just seems like this is some impossible ask.
So yeah, tldr: I hate that i have to think about these stupid jobs all day and i just want a moments peace to exist