Im 31 years old and have had quite a few different jobs. When I was younger I was constantly changing jobs due to being unhappy/unfulfilled. I started with retail, cleaned houses, had a hostess job, ended up trying data entry for an aerospace company and then ultimately thought id enjoy helping others. I really felt thats what I was passionate about as ive been told Im a great listener and a very empathetic person. It at least gave me some sort of happiness, knowing ive helped someone in some way or made their day brighter. However, Ive dealt with anxiety and depression my whole life as well. My first job in healthcare was working at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities. I was there for 2 years and while I loved a lot about it and wouldnt trade that experience for the world, ultimately i could not handle the violence that came with it. It was triggering worse anxiety as well as ptsd for me. I then got laid off due to covid anyways and took a job as a hospital housekeeper for a year and a half. Physically the job became too hard and the managers were terrible putting too much of a workload on everyone, I could no longer handle the lifting and constant up and down movements. I applied for a position registering/checking in patients with the same hospital, different location. I didnt hate the job at first but found it to be a revolving door with terrible shortages making everything harder then it should be, spoke up to my management about how I felt and I was then offered a position there doing re-scheduling for doctors. since I was making calls instead of dealing with patients directly i thought it would be easier mentally, boy was I wrong. In the past year ive seen so many NPs and doctors leave, their appts are so booked up and all the patients do is get angry with me and treat me like their punching bag. Everyday I come in for work I get the worst stomachache, just a gut-wrenching feeling like I just got news that someone died. At this point in my life ive realized healthcare is fucked. I am 31 years old with no college degree, no passion and no drive to work the rest of my god damn life away. I have become so incredibly depressed and have dreamed of living some sort of train hopping, traveling gypsy life free from all of the bullshit where I can choose the way I want to spend my days. Then I wake up and remember the sad reality.