I just feel like I have to say this. I feel like no one will understand, maybe they will. Yes, I am Human Resources. Hold your tomatoes folks, I'm no ordinary HR. My niche is in Cannabis, it's my passion. Psychedelics are next in the pipeline for legitimacy. It's a high-risk industry. Alas. This last year alone has been one of the worst professionally for me.
Around this time last year I worked at THE cannabis tech vape company. As the HR Manager, I got to do some really awesome shit, see some awesome shit, hell I was planning my career to retire there. It all crashed Aug 31st, 12:32pm after lunch. “You are no longer needed”. I was shattered. I was a mess. I was unemployed for 2 months, then lured into a startup with no structure and slave driven values. I was told everyday I was bad at what I did, needed to work more (I was pushing 16 hour days) finally I was ghosted days before christmas and I cried. Going into Christmas with no income, no job, nothing was an odd feeling.
Finally after so many interviews I landed this Temp to Hire position. Day one was off, manager was out, and they had my name wrong. Not a good onboarding. I was the only one in my position with limited knowledge on what to do. It took 6 weeks for the manager to come back. That manager intimidated, berated, questioned me, and beat me down with words every chance possible. I watched them interrogate employees into admitting things for terminations. A lawsuit was brought up against me for racial discrimination too. They finally left and the day it was announced I just cried in my cube. I was miserable.
Things were looking up, but they needed to find a replacement. too much damage has been done, so I opted to NOT be part of the competitive process to be the replacement. Week after week I have been watching my temp job fade away. They had final deliberations today, so a choice will be made soon, and 2 weeks after they arrive I will be gone. I have been applying to hundreds of places a week, connecting, customizing resumes with keywords, networking, and leveraging my connections in everything. Nothing even close to an interview has landed.
All in all, I'm just incredibly scared. I'm scared, I'm sad, I feel so alone cause I'm the breadwinner and I don't know what you do when you lose your job 3 times in a year and it's not your fault. The job market today is not what it was even 6 months ago. Thankfully no kids, but I'm trying to get a car while I still have income. I know this might not be the place, but what is anyone doing to make ends meet beyond dashing and instacart if no stable job?
Thank you for my rant, I needed to put this somewhere, I just hate the workforce so much, even as HR. Why can't I be a cat? I just feel like damaged goods after all this. Like why would anyone want me to work for them?