I have been at my work for 5 years, and only eligible for a bonus twice. My understanding of a bonus should be almost the equivalent of getting paid twice, and my first one was almost that.
Have just been told my next one, in a few days, will be so much less, and after taxes it will probably be much less, than the number I just got told. I didn't already spend the money, I'm living pay check to pay check as it is, and fully dependent on my credit card when my check account is almost empty. I had so many plans for what I thought I was getting, and now I am completely wrong, and so internally pissed off.
I feel better knowing that there was absolutely nothing I could do on my end to get more, my efforts would not have made it more or changed it, and my company (without giving away where I work) has been in the news this year a lot, and everything it has gone through, I get it, but even after announcing record profits, take home wages are still not reflected.
I'm just pissed, and can't vent to anybody, and feel worse that I can't tell my family cause they will just insist I change jobs if I am not happy, but that's the thing, I am autistic, I hate where I am and what I do, but I do it because some part of me enjoys it, I enjoy the routine/structure/consistency (same shit different day) and the thought of looking for another job, in this world at the moment stresses me out far more than what I already am where I currently am.
I don't know what to do, and it hurts.