I'm one of the lucky few who just kind of stumbles through life without a plan, and things still work out. I currently work two jobs, one in the cannabis industry and one part-time planning anime conventions. I also own my car (fully paid off) and my house (I have a mortgage with a 3.5% rate) Between those jobs and having a roommate who pays a bit of rent (significantly lower than rent in my area), I end up making about about $70K, which is nearly double the median worker's income in the Midwest, where i live. It has allowed me to pay off debt (I only have student loans and a mortgage) and save a 6 month emergency fund, which could easily turn into 7 or 8 if I cancel all of my streaming services, gym membership, and meal prep subscription.
In theory, it looks like I have my life together despite not planning for any of it. In reality, I'm miserable. I've been working 60 hours a week for 84 weeks straight without a single vacation. Things are ramping up at work, and it's becoming incredibly stressful, but I don't have any help. I'm so burnt out that I'm not even taking care of myself or my home properly. I'm very strongly considering just saying “fuck it” and selling my house, quitting both jobs, hopping in a truck, and moving to another state. I just want to get away from my life, and I don't care how I have to do it.
Even if I didn't move, I feel like I want to just quit everything and live off of savings for a month or two, just to get my head right. I'm so beaten down that I don't find joy in life like I used to. I haven't been officially diagnosed, but all the signs of depression are there, and I feel like a hollowed out shell of a person. It makes it almost impossible to enjoy what free time I do have because I can't even find the motivation to get out of bed, let alone be productive.
I don't understand how people find this acceptable. We go along with it because it's what is expected of us, even though we all collectively hate it. I'm not opposed to working, but I don't want work to rule my life. I'm almost 33, and I spent my 20s doing nothing but work. Sure, I went to school, but I still worked a full-time job while I did, and after I got my degree, I just kept working. I look back now and realize that I spent what should have been the best years of my life, trapped behind a desk instead of living life. I'm older now, I'm less healthy, and I have more things anchoring me to a life I don't want. I've always wanted a family, but I never had time to really date because I worked so much. In a way, I'm almost glad I don't have a wife and kids because, at this point, they would only serve to further tie me to this life. I don't have them, so I can still just pack my shit and leave to start over. Maybe that's why people go along with it. Not because they want to, but because they have responsibilities that they put ahead of themselves and their happiness.
Idk… I'm just rambling at point.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.