A small business owner that I've known casually for a few years wants to hire me. It's been a somewhat lengthy process because he has asked me to go through an employment service so he will get some funding to help pay for my training.
I have missed three of his calls over the course of a week, but I always call back within a few hours.
Maybe it shouldn't matter, but the first day it was because my cat was getting put down. The second day my phone had died unexpectedly, and today it was because I was doing laundry and having a shower, so I wasn't in the room. I do not take my phone everywhere like some people do, I really don't think I should have to. People getting paid high salary are often expected to do so… Whereas this is a minimum wage job. My point is; it was normal life-occurrences happening, which I explained to him each time. So I don't know why he continues to act like it's so questionable of me to always have something going on.
Each time he has become increasingly more accusatory about me not answering right when he calls. It started off as a nuanced “Do I keep catching you at a busy time?” Whereas today it seemed he was annoyed and acted like I was unreliable or ditsy, and when I told him I was having a shower he said “who takes a shower for 4 hours?!” I was extremely confused and when I checked my phone after the call, it had only been exactly 2 hours since he tried to reach me…
But every time he has acted agitated with me like this he then suddenly laughs it off even though he initially put me in a really heightened, defensive state. I would feel like I'm on trial- when really I don't think it should matter why I couldn't answer him considering I get back to him in (what I think should be considered) a reasonable amount of time. He's acting like I'm really dropping the ball. Even though I have expressed gratitude for the opportunity multiple times, it feels like he's bothered that I'm not acting more desperate for it; as if the level of desperation equates to reliability. I understand the anxiety he must have being a small business owner but I have been very transparent with him through this whole process, and have seen him twice in person per his request. The first time was a genuine waste of my time and money because it could have been done over the phone. I don't appreciate him acting so irritated only to then laugh it off like he doesn't actually mind. I really think he's just trying to put on a friendly front to not scare me off; but the mask is slipping.
I guess I already know the answer to this and a lot of you are going to advise me to not go through with it, but I have a social anxiety disorder and immense difficulty enforcing boundaries, particularly with employers. I literally feel trapped. After the weekend I have to meet him and the employment service agent to sign the documents to proceed with this. I know I'm digging my own grave in a sense, but I have so much self-doubt ingrained in me that I can't help but feel like I'm in the wrong on some level. Or that it would be deeply wrong for me to tell him I'm not interested now. I know he would tell me I've wasted his time and it would cause me deep shame. I'm really angry with myself for having ended up in this kind of power-dynamic again. It feels even harder to get out of this one because I considered him a decent person before this started.
Maybe I'm overreacting, and maybe I'm the one who's been unprofessional. I honestly might just be hyper-vigilant of red flags now. But I've had some terribly abusive bosses, and none of them have pulled this. Even one of the worst ones wouldn't guilt me if I didn't pick up or get back to her immediately because she still knew she could rely on me. Maybe he's treating me this way because I haven't “proven myself” yet. But I'm really tired of proving myself to abusive people only for them to literally make up a reason to mistreat me. I left my last job because I had finally reached her high standards to the point there was nothing left to criticize, and she proceeded to give me shit for something that had nothing to do with my work performance. She didn't like that I was resting my head on the table in the break room, during my breaks, because “it was unsanitary and made her and others uncomfortable because I looked sick.” In reality I was just a little anemic and pushing myself too hard.
I know I likely come off as naive.. I guess I just need some outside perspective and advice on how to de-program my brain from feeling like employers are in fact, entitled to my entire sense of being.
TL;DR – I am not even officially his employee yet and he's already getting annoyed that I have a life outside of the minimum wage job that he's offered me.