In the Womb:
- Your first workplace is the womb, where you're treated like royalty. Free rent, 24/7 catering, and no taxes!
Birth
- You're out! Say goodbye to that luxury suite. It's diapers and sleepless nights from now on.
Toddlerhood
- Ages 1-2: As a toddler, your “job” is to be adorable. But beware scraped knees.
Childhood
- Ages 3-11: You attend school, where your schedule is set, and homework is mandatory. You get “summer breaks,” but don't forget to do your reading assignments!
Teenage Years
- Ages 12-17: You can now babysit or mow lawns for some cash, but forget about that dream of lounging by the pool all summer. It's called summer jobs, not summer vacation. Maybe you work night in a factory in Idaho.
Adulthood
- Early 20s: Welcome to the workforce! Say hello to your entry-level job, where you earn just enough to pay bills, with a side of student loan debt if you're lucky. Your tips are deducted from your wages so you still only make minimum wage.
Midlife Crisis
- 30s-40s: You've climbed the corporate ladder. All the way to the 3rd rung from the bottom! But you've also developed back pain from sitting at a desk. You're salaried so you work 80 hours a week with no overtime.
The Autumn Years
- 60s: Finally, retirement! You've saved up, and it's time to relax. What's that? The stock market crashed for the 12th time in your life! Your 401k is worthless and with inflation, the rest of your savings aren't enough to live on.
Re-enter the Workforce
- 70s: Back to work as a Walmart greeter to make ends meet.
Retirement
- 80s: The retirement home has wifi so you start an OnlyFans for gerontophiles. You make more money than you've ever had. You die as the IRS kicks down your door.
Afterlife
- In the Afterlife: God says you have a “victim mentality”. You go to hell where Satan's shitty kid is your manager.