about two months ago i started a new job with a great company doing something that really piqued my interest. things were going great. i just graduated college in may and struggled all summer to find work. i was extremely grateful for the position i was offered and accepted without hesitation. the pay was great and my role was fully remote, i felt like i was living the post-grad life of my dreams.
that being said, i have been surrounded by job insecurity my whole life and could never shake the feeling that my job could be taken from me at any moment. my friends and family would say “they won’t just fire you out of nowhere, if something is seriously wrong they will have a talk with you first.” i tried my best to repress that fear, telling myself i was thinking irrationally since the vast majority of feedback i received at work was positive. i met with my manager once a week, who often told me he was impressed with the quality of work i was doing. it wasn’t until yesterday morning that i was informed i wasn’t meeting their expectations in terms of communication (specifically email response time) and they’ve decided to let me go.
i was extremely shocked but handled the meeting quite well. i asked lots of questions and elaborated on several past mistakes i’ve made (being late to work). i’m upset about not being given any sort of warning or even the full 60 days of probationary time – no chance to learn or improve. i expressed that i was extremely disappointed in this decision because i felt this is a job i could be very good at and it is still very early. they didn’t have much to say about my actual performance so i’m not sure what to take away.
how will i go about getting another job after this? with no experience? i was there for less than 2 months. no internships in college. my mind is overwhelmed with anxiety. i will need to start making student loan payments soon. i just moved to a new city. i don’t have insurance. how will i recover from this? how will i forgive myself for losing such a great opportunity? i can’t stop beating myself up; this experience is just confirming all of the fears i had about the workplace. what kind of job do i even look for? i’m convinced i am fundamentally a bad worker and will never contribute anything meaningful to a job. i want to be better but are any employers willing to be patient with neurodivergent workers? i’m just not sure where to go from here, it feels like all the plans i made have been completely derailed and i am back at square one.