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Antiwork

Can we weigh the pros and cons of me sending this to my old manager?

For context, I resigned from this job after a year, about 4 months ago because I couldn’t stand working with someone as narcissistic as my old manager. She constantly would get everyone around us fired for things that were sometimes even our own fault. I still haven’t found a new job and admittedly it’s probably petty/weak to still be ruminating over it but I feel I need some closure. During my 1 month notice, she had publicly called me not a team player and severely hurt my chances of reemployment during that time. Dear toxic ex manager (would just use her name in the email), I trust this message finds you well. As I've taken time to reflect on our past working relationship, I've come to appreciate the lessons and experiences we shared. One lesson that stands out to me, and one that I believe is profoundly important, is the…


For context, I resigned from this job after a year, about 4 months ago because I couldn’t stand working with someone as narcissistic as my old manager. She constantly would get everyone around us fired for things that were sometimes even our own fault. I still haven’t found a new job and admittedly it’s probably petty/weak to still be ruminating over it but I feel I need some closure. During my 1 month notice, she had publicly called me not a team player and severely hurt my chances of reemployment during that time.

Dear toxic ex manager (would just use her name in the email),

I trust this message finds you well. As I've taken time to reflect on our past working relationship, I've come to appreciate the lessons and experiences we shared. One lesson that stands out to me, and one that I believe is profoundly important, is the value of being a good person. Not just in our professional lives but in all aspects of life, as this is one’s true legacy.

Throughout my career, I've encountered individuals who have made a significant impact on me, not only because of their professional expertise but because of their kindness, empathy, and genuine concern for the well-being of others. These qualities, I've found, often define the most respected and admired leaders. After spending some time and really thinking hard about many of the situations (many admittedly by my own doing) that arose in our time together, I can confidently say that you were not one of these people.

During our time together, you shared many profound insights that have resonated with me deeply. I'd like to highlight one of the most impactful here. In our final weeks working together, you conveyed the idea that “in order for things to grow, some things need to die” while using grass as symbolism. This statement can be interpreted in three distinct ways: positively, neutrally, or negatively. The true connotation often becomes evident through the actions of those involved. From a business perspective, akin to its cultural counterpart, this notion aligns with the rationale behind some of history's most reprehensible actions. It's a sentiment, in context, that I will always remember a superior saying.

All leaders have the prerogative to shape their teams as they see fit, but the way they do it speaks volumes about the character of the leader involved. Being a good leader in the workplace means more than just adhering to policies or performing tasks efficiently. It encompasses qualities such as empathy, fairness, honesty, and respect for colleagues and subordinates. It's about fostering an environment where everyone feels valued and supported, where ideas are heard, and where collaboration thrives.

As I continue on my career path, I'm dedicated to embodying these values and principles. I hope that in your leadership role, you too will continue to champion the importance of being a good person not only in your words but in your actions as well, inspiring those around you to strive for the same, ones you like and even ones you do not.

Thank you for the opportunities and experiences we shared during my time under your leadership. I genuinely believe that these lessons will continue to shape my professional journey.

Wishing you continued success and fulfillment in all your endeavors.

Sincerely,

Xxx

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