I’m so sorry this is kinda long but it’s a wild ride so buckle up. TLDR at the bottom.
I (30’sF) started an apprenticeship in the beauty industry about a year ago at a very high end place. From the time I was little, I knew that this is the career path I wanted and I have been willing to work really hard to make it happen for myself, despite life getting in the way during my 20’s.
Generally, I’m a very responsible and hard working employee and get along really well with my coworkers. The problem is the boss/mentor/owner. He’s easy enough to get along with but he’s VERY unprofessional in how he speaks to people. He makes a lot of really inappropriate jokes at my expense that are really hurtful. Anything personal I have told him about myself has been used as material for jokes.
Some examples:
-I was homeless as a teenager and he’s constantly making jokes about how I ate out of the trash and rode trains. Once going so far as to say (in front of a client) about how “that’s not the only kind of train you’re familiar with”, implying something sexual in nature. The client he said it in front of was visibly uncomfortable after that.
- After closing the night before (and admittedly I was tired and didn’t do the best job), he pulled me into the office and started telling me how he should fire me for how bad of a job I did closing. Later that day, he made the joke that if this career doesn’t work out for me, I could “always just kill myself”. I have two very large scars on my arm from a suicide attempt a few years ago that I know he has seen. He has since made similar jokes two more times.
-I have some fairly serious health issues that affect my daily life. Despite that, I show up early, often stay late to help out, and get told frequently by coworkers how happy they are with the job I do. And I never ask for any accommodations to be made for me. Several times, he has made “jokes” about my health struggles to clients and coworkers. Disclosing personal health information to total strangers.
-I made the mistake of wearing my hair in a style he didn’t like. He didn’t say anything about it that day at work but came in the next day, his day off (which was also his birthday), to berate me about my appearance the day before. Telling me “I wouldn’t even hire you as a janitor looking like that.” I should mention that I ALWAYS have my hair and makeup done and wear nice clothing. Since then, it has happened 3 more times. Threatening to send me home without pay for my appearance, telling me I “look like I spent the day cleaning houses” and “you look like shit and you need to go fix it or get out of my sight” despite wearing the same exact outfits, hairstyles, and makeup I wear all the time.
-The week before Father’s Day, he kept saying things like, “what are you doing for Father’s Day?” I would respond “I don’t have plans” and he would reply with “yeah I figured, by the looks of it you probably don’t have a father.” Hurtful, is an understatement, as I have a very complicated relationship with my biological father.
-He has made jokes about my partner’s weight. Asking me how I could love someone as big as him. (For reference, my partner is 6ft/275lbs so he’s thick but it’s not like he’s in danger of being on My 600lb Life).
-He confiscates my phone if he sees me look at it at any point in the day. During the day, I keep it in my purse in my locker. I don’t usually even touch my phone throughout the day unless I need to set a timer for something. I finally got the courage to tell him “No, I’m a grown adult who managed to have a lucrative career in the service industry for 15 years before I started here and I am not going to be treated like a child who misbehaves.” That REALLY pissed him off and led to ten minutes of him cussing at me.
-Several clients, who I am friends with in my personal life, have reached out to me about how uncomfortable he makes them by how how much he flirts, how he touches them too often, etc. They won’t be coming back for that reason. He also has a habit of lingering around other people’s clients that are VERY young and attractive and asking them really invasive questions about their personal lives.
He is a man close to 50 years old.
I am not the only one he has made feel this way. One of my coworkers who is very young and cute, new to the industry, and looks like a Barbie doll, was told she wasn’t allowed to wear certain clothing anymore because she “doesn’t have the body type”. And then in private, he told me “she’s not going to make it in this industry, she’s going to become a realtor and get fat”.
He made comments about the (recovering) anorexic receptionist having wide birthing hips after she gained a few (necessary) pounds. Also made jokes to clients about how the receptionist’s boyfriend cheats on her all the time.
His cruelty is seen by everyone. Before he moved here and opened this business, the staff at his last place walked out because of his behavior. One thing that I noticed recently is that he is VERY careful with how he speaks to a trans coworker and how he speaks to people who could easily move to another job and take their clients with them. The only ones he bullies are the people who have no other options and need this job. Which tells me he knows what he’s doing is wrong and can control himself when it’s needed.
I have tried to ignore the rude comments but if I don’t acknowledge him when he speaks or laugh at his “jokes”, he accuses me of being moody and bringing down the vibe of the place. Which also means going home without pay. I have tried to bring my concerns to him only to have him gaslight me about how “this is how it is and you just don’t know because you’re so new to the industry” and then having my concerns mocked for being too sensitive. Everyone has told me I should quit and just go back to school. Several friends who currently own/ have owned their own businesses have told me to go to an employment lawyer and sue for harassment.
There are other things like my paychecks being messed up. But my main concern is how my coworkers and I are treated.
And on top of it all, I’m only getting paid minimum wage. The business has tripled in size in the last year, along with my work load, yet my pay has not increased a penny. He has outright told me multiple times the only way I’d get more money from him is to get through my apprenticeship.
So Reddit, how should I handle this aside from the obvious “QUIT”. Are there any other steps I should be taking? What would you do? I feel like I’m in an abusive relationship.
TLDR; My boss has a habit of making inappropriate “jokes” at my expense in front of clients and coworkers.