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Antiwork

Boss is abusing pre-existing friendship with myself and spouse

I've been at the end of my rope at my job for a long time, but shit really hit the fan this week. Of course, I'm going to be nondescript as possible to keep some anonymity. I'm looking for some direction to go in at this point. I have my current job because my boss used to work with my spouse at a different company. Years ago, they had closer positions there and had a really tight-knit group of friends that all worked together. My wife quit for a position that would be easier on our family. A few years ago, I quit my previous position at a job that wasn't working out for me to come aboard with our friend at their new place of employment. The pay was better than I had before, I had a new management postition, I was passionate about the work I did, and…


I've been at the end of my rope at my job for a long time, but shit really hit the fan this week. Of course, I'm going to be nondescript as possible to keep some anonymity. I'm looking for some direction to go in at this point.

I have my current job because my boss used to work with my spouse at a different company. Years ago, they had closer positions there and had a really tight-knit group of friends that all worked together. My wife quit for a position that would be easier on our family. A few years ago, I quit my previous position at a job that wasn't working out for me to come aboard with our friend at their new place of employment. The pay was better than I had before, I had a new management postition, I was passionate about the work I did, and it seemed like I genuinely had a good career I could develop for myself with this company.

Our friend got moved to a very high-up position and in the process, the tightness we had dissapated as they had to keep themselves removed and distant in a professional setting. That was understandable. During the time since then, I had a good relationship with my new boss and they felt like a mentor to me, they were always advocating for me and other managers to make sure we has a good work-life balance.

Then there was a major shift at beginning of this year. The owners decided to accelerate the acquisition of clients much faster than we could keep pace with to provide adequate service for them, and they almost doubled the amount of time required for us to work on job sites. In all, we're all probably working close to 60 hours a week now with no increase in pay.

Right around the time that this started, we raised our concerns to upper management/owners as a group that this was not feasible for us to do this. We were always told that they have an “open door policy,” we should feel comfortable coming to them with any questions or concerns. Well that was a load of BS because the same day, we were all pulled into a meeting room where we were completely shut down and they disregarded all of our concerns.

Fast forward to two months ago, another one of our managers found new employment and told upper mngmt that the reason they quit was because there was zero work life balance. They pulled us into another meeting where yet again, they completely ignored the reason they quit and we're super defensive about their stance. My boss contacted me to make sure I was doing okay because none of that sat right with him or any of us.

That was all a lot of background for the subject of my post: this past week, I had to take off during the day on one day to be at home for a repair being done. I wasn't sure how long this would take so I reached out to my direct supervisor to let them know this was happening and to make sure a client would be taken care of in the evening should I not be able to get there in time. All of our emails get forwarded to friend-boss who in response told my direct supervisor “I know their spouse gets off work at x time, so they will be able to work for this client.”

That crossed a line for me. Just because they're friends with my spouse and know what time they get off work DOES NOT give them a right to assume when we're available and dictate my schedule from this. My spouse agreed, and so did a lot of other friends/family I raised this to

The next day I go to call my boss to talk about the issue because of course we don't have an HR department that I can formally submit a complaint to….

They tell me that this would be their last day at the company because they were being demoted after just receiving a promotion and were understandably furious about this. I let them know my issue and they agreed that it was extremely inappropriate of our friend to cross that boundary, but that was definitely not the first time they have done something like that to employees as well.

This where it gets interesting: that same night, friend-boss is frantically texting my spouse asking what my boss told me today when they quit. Apparently they were also talking to other managers.
My spouse has a hard time lying to people, especially those abusing their friend-card. What spouse told them was that I did talk to my supervisor but wasn't aware of what all was said. I stopped my spouse and told them not to say any more, that I would talk to friend-boss the next day but this was inappropriate to do at 10pm over text to my spouse when they could talk to me directly if they had any issues they needed to discuss.

Of course the next day, no contact at all. I left the ball in their court but they have not reached out in any form. I'm fully prepared to have an honest conversation with them and let them know that they only reason I called and talk to (now) ex-sup was because I needed to discuss and plan how to discuss how friend-boss has crossed a line in a professional manner and make sure I had backing. If they try to pull anything on me with any kind of penalty, demotion, or termination, do I have any kind of recourse? I don't have anything else lined up for employment and I need this until I can secure something else.

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