Standard Disclaimer I am 38M fully employed, 8:30-5pm 5 days a week, Autistic. I had a job previous to this one for 8 years, my boss was ex-military and I still have the scar tissue and PTSD of his “leadership”. It was in a mailroom, for a brewing company, so it was good for a same shit different day, structure and routine regiment, but there was always a sense of old habits die hard. Fast forward to 2018, I got made redundant and started a new job at one of the Big 4.
I was in the mailroom, then transferred to facilities. Like my title says, I feel constantly surrounded by red flags, but feel like I have no other choice but to accept them as positives. People's posts on here are usually filled with topics/subjects/posts like “What kind of job exists, where I can do fuck all and still get paid?” and “I'm so bored” etc.
Examples
My boss starts at 9:30am, I start at 8:30am. I have never managed to come in right on time (who does) my boss starting an hour later, gives me a “permanent grace period” where I could come in at 9:20 if I wanted, he would never know. Yet I still feel guilty or feel like I'll get caught for not being on time and never have.
My timesheet never changes, doesn't matter what I do, unless I am legitimately sick or public holidays or death in the family those kinds of things, but the program doesn't factor in being late, or half days, or leaving 10-20 minutes early.
I am autonomous and fully anonymous, even in my own team, I never get “checked up on” no helicopter monitoring, no threatening emails or texts, I am a ghost.
I have my daily tasks (same shit different day/Groundhog Day) which I can do in minutes, on a good day I can have 6 hours to kill, on a bad day I have 4. I am so goddamn bored, if it wasn't for tv shows/movies/audiobooks/documentaries and podcasts, I would have nothing to do all day. But I have the guilt that I know that is not what I am paid to do, I do what I am paid for in no time at all, now what? I have asked way too many countless times for more work, and told there isn't any, I don't know what more I can do.
The only “stress” I really have is having nothing to do all day, and the guilt associated with it, when so many people are homeless or looking for work, I bring this up with my parents, how bored I am and I have nothing to do, and their default is always “let's look for another job” when that isn't the answer… I HAVE A JOB, LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” of course, I'm miserable, no one enjoys their job, everyone has bad days, no one is excited to go to work, you work because society expects you to, you do that for 30-40-50 years, then retire and then do what you wanted to do 30-40-50 years ago, but dammit this is my job “there are many like it, but this one is mine!!!” the stress part would be quitting/leaving, looking for work all over again, and starting all over again, which the thought of it makes me ill, and I wouldn't wish that hell on my worst enemy.
Constant imposter syndrome, if I ever need to get reacquainted/refamiliarize myself with what actual real work looks like, all I have to do is look around, people are making spreadsheets, openly discussing million-dollar deals, and I am at my desk doomscrolling twitter/X and playing candy crush.
I have also recently been diagnosed with Crohn's and I am on medication that makes me drowsy, I have nodded off at my desk before, not head hitting keyboard but have come pretty close, and even in open plan, I am pretty sure no one would notice, hell I am writing this now, on a mechanical keyboard, everyone can hear my typing, yet they probably think I am writing some important document, when I am pouring my soul out, desperate to find anyone in the same situation. There is a place in our office, a kind of meditation space, which I go to and sleep every day, I feel guilty for doing it, but have never been caught, and it is free for anyone/everyone to use, but I still feel guilty.
I feel forced to accept the red flags as positives, thus making this the best job in the world, but I know that it isn't due to the red flags. Hope this makes some sense.