Give me books, datas, studies about any human matter or ask me to learn a “hard” human language, my brain will light up, I will feel reenergized. Give me a bug to fix, I will feel overwhelmed and start dying inside. How the hell did I ended up as a developer?
I remember being at college as a young adult studying literature, and also being excited to learn, expand my understanding, and develop my own complex views on human matters such as sociology, psychology, human languages, cultures and ethics.
I knew that I would never want a teaching position or work as a psychologist, so I never bothered following those paths. I spent my twenties getting only low salaries jobs, so I got back to school in computer sciences.
Now, I'm a developer. I'v been a dev for a few years. I debug insurance tools in a rigid, corporate framework. And I am miserable… and burned out (according to my wellness coach). Although I have a better wage, I can't help but see this as a failure. I struggle so much with all the business logic and all the requirements.
All these efforts to go from being a cog in the machine to… still being a cog in the machine. I never had anything to say, nothing to bring. Here's the task, here's the expected result. That's it. I feel like I could only be happy in research roles, creative career, intellectual profession.
But I lack the human skills necessary for teaching or coaching. And more than ever, I need a stable income to pay the mortgage and feed my children.
Can anyone recognize themselves in this situation, or your past-self if you ended up finding your path?