I was messaged and told to post this here but if it doesn't fit here I'm sorry and I'll delete it
I really dont know how to start this but it's a lot to take it so I put the trigger warning of abuse. I know it was dumb of me to get knocked up at 18 with a 24 year old. Im 19 now with a 7 month old baby. My ex/his father became really abusive during and after my pregnancy and it got the point where I felt like I couldnt say no any time he wanted sex, he would scream at me and eventually he choked me during an argument when I wouldnt put out because he claimed he “deserved it” after working and supporting me and our son. My father passed away a couple weeks ago and my own mother makes me feel like such crap for having a baby so young and out of wedlock but sometimes I think she likes my now ex more than me
I ended up leaving one day while my ex was at work and just took what I could put in my car. We ended up staying at hotels, women's shelters and now I rent a room from a friend of a friend. I reached out any and every one I could. My mom first. Her response was that I “probably did something to deserve it” and that she wasn't going to help me until she heard his side of the story.
I was able to get approved for WIC and SNAP and my son gets Medicaid and we're on the list for low income housing but my social worker told me not to hold my breath because the wait list is YEARS long. I door dash to make ends meet and have applied to so many jobs but I only have a GED so I either get rejections or just never hear anything back in the first place. I even got an interview for a daycare assistant but they went with someone else.
My son was down to his last 4 diapers and I hadn't made any money today door dashing. I even called my son's pediatrician's office to see if they could provide diapers just until I got some funds in my account. The receptionist said they couldn't help me unless I had an appointment and my son's next appointment isn't until February for his 9 month wellness check up. I almost started crying on the phone and she was just no help, just told me to wait until my son's next appointment to get any thing I needed.
I even posted on my local buy nothing group and my post has sat for hours waiting for an admin to approve it. I ended up going to walmart and used my WIC to get my son some formula and some peanut butter and bread so I can have stuff to make quick lunches with until my SNAP reloads on the 7th of January. I ended up opening a small pack of diapers and stuffing a few under my purse and just got the groceries I needed and left. I felt sick to my stomach and like I was going to throw up but I didnt know what else to do. I even asked my roommate to buy us a small pack of diapers and I pay them back double and they refused because he's “not their kid not their problem”
I really dont know what to do. Ive never shop lifted before in my life and Im terrified i'll have to do it again and I dont want to. I already feel really guilty but now I wonder if I should do some thing else or turn myself in or what. It shouldnt be this hard to survive after leaving an abusive relationship but I literally either had to do what I did or let my son be in wet soggy diapers and he didnt deserve that at all so I did what I felt like I had to do and now I feel even worse lol. I feel like i can't win for losing at this point in my life