A little background:
I haven't even been at this place for a year. I started early October of last year. I agreed, even though my intuition told me not to, because they offered me $5,000 more if I was a good fit after my 90 days. 90 days rolls around and Oops, I wasn't good enough. I was a few minutes late getting in and I was still trialing new formulations so I didn't deserve it. We'll try again in another 90 🤡
As time has progressed, I have taken on more and more responsibility off my coworker who isn't very efficient. They were demoted twice and still kept the same pay but now their work is spread between 4 people, including me.
I have a team member who has been calling off so the extra responsibility falls on me. I have been burned out for a long time coming. I go home, I'm too exhausted to do anything, I go to bed, I wake up exhausted, I go to work and survive off energy drinks, repeat.
Anyways, my most recent formulation is finally working, no thanks to them or their outside help. I actually found answers from an unexpected colleague. They've all been ecstatic but I feel nothing. I don't care. They tell me how exciting and I just say yeah and walk away.
Yesterday, one of the owners said I should be happy and I told him I was burned out. I'm exhausted. I just don't have the energy to be happy. I put so much pressure on myself go get good yields and tore myself down and I finally realized that the performance of the product wasn't a reflection of me. Well he went to tell the other bosses and they pulled me in for a meeting.
The meeting:
They told me I haven't been myself and not happy when I should be, even though who are they to tell someone what to feel. I told them the same thing. I'm burned out. I'm tired. I've been running around with no support and I'm on autopilot. I get my work done pretty fast, even with the additional labor, but I never got a raise to do that.
“Okay, well this isn't sustainable. Do we need to find a replacement for you because I'd rather do it now than when you put in your 2 weeks.” I was shocked and deadpan said I'm still here and will keep working here.
They said “well you have a review in October.” ???? Okay so no more additional 90 days, got it. I had job opportunities that I turned down for 20,000 more and less work with more support because I initially liked the company. They told me they couldn't stop me from taking those jobs if that's what I wanted. Glad to see I'm not that important. They said the company expects people to pick up the slack of others “that's just how we operate.” Well that's how a company that has 0 accountability for their teams work ethic operates but Okay.
I was then told I need to be happier because how can I motivate my team if I'm not. To be honest, I'm always happy with my team. I do like them. I'm just not happy here.
Not once did they ask if I needed a break. Not once did they ask if I was okay. Only at the end did they ask how they could help.
The place has been running for a few years but I'm not sure how. It's so poorly managed and no one has any accountability.
I am exhausted.
My coworker is off again so there's an entire employees job that need done and today, I'm not doing it. I just want a job that appreciates me and my hard work and doesnt punish their good workers, but that obviously isn't here.
Oh well 🤷️