Hello, this is my first post in this subreddit, gonna try to make it as short as i can, i apologize in advance if it’s a little lengthy 🙂
I recently started a new job outside of my field. It seemed okay at first, but now i’m starting to have some second thoughts. I graduated in graphic design, but the industry is extremely saturated at the moment, hence why I am not working in it right now. I just have a standard administrative assistant office job for the time being. I’ve only been here for about two months now, so maybe I’m judging the role too soon, but I just feel so incompetent and clueless at times. Particularly what I hate most is answering the phones—I’m the only one on phones and I have social anxiety, so I really struggle with it. The phones are mostly dead 80% of the time, but there’s always that fear of when someone does call—especially because I feel like I don’t know how to answer many questions that people call to ask.
I want to go back to graphic design, but there’s issues with that, too. First, the job I had before this one was graphic design and I actually didn’t mind it too much, I really only left because it became a toxic work environment quickly and my boss had unrealistic expectations all the time. The problem w the design field right now is 1. it’s oversaturated, and 2. designers are expected to wear many, many hats. I would say I’m good at design, but I’m not an expert at everything—I can’t animate, I can’t code, I’m not great at web design—honestly, my strengths are in branding/logos, print design, advertisements, and social media design. Not sure if this makes me sound lazy or like i’m just not ‘willing to learn,’ but I don’t want to become a master at animation and web design—I just want to be good at what i’m good at and hope that it’s enough. Graphic designers shouldn’t be expected to know every specialty anyways, that’s why there are creative teams (which hardly exist anymore in today’s market, lol).
Anyways, to wrap things up, I just can’t seem to shake this existential dread I feel about having to go to this office job every day. I also just came back from a week vacation and honestly I have felt worse about working since then. I wake up some mornings feeling slightly nauseous and anxious because I have to rush to my job in the morning. I can’t see how I can keep doing this every day, I literally look forward to every day I don’t have to work. I hate to be that person who lives for the weekends only, but that’s who Ive seem to become. I also only feel like i’ve become myself again after 5:00. Honestly, my job isn’t even all that terrible.. it’s just extremely boring for someone like me with anxiety and ADHD.
So, what do i do? Do i try to go back into design even with the issues that are present in that field? I haven’t even had the time to update my design portfolio since I’m already exhausted after work most days..
I just can’t deal with the dread I feel about working every day anymore. I’ve already given up on the idea of dream jobs existing, I just want a job that I don’t hate :/