Dear boss,
I hope this message finds you well.
I just want to start with a very sincere and heartfelt f*** you.
To reiterate, f*** you, you narcissistic, mentally constipated, overpaid excuse for a human being.
You are a carbuncle on the a***hole of humanity. This sentiment fails to convey the strong depth of feelings that I wish to share.
I hope your victories are meaningless, your eyebrows merge into a busy hedge and you spend your days walking in decreasing circles until you get dizzy.
The universe cannot erase you as a mistake, but I hope your warranty expires soon.
May you develop a stench so foul, durian will seem fragrant next to you.
May each of your toes turn upwards and haunt your nose with their smell.
May cats and dogs chase you home every day, while seagulls and pigeon bombard you with their sh*t.
And one day, when you are old and weary, may you have a heart and realise what a royal c**t you've been.
Sincerely,
Your employee