I'm coming to the end of 1.5 years of illness, following a struggle with alcoholism and the necessary rehab/recovery period afterward. A lot of things contributed to my becoming an alcoholic, but I can't deny that a large factor was the insurmountable hopelessness I felt in the face of “wake up at 7am, get home at 6pm and do that 5 out of every 7 days until you die”. It led to a nervous breakdown in 2023 and my subsequent unemployment.
I've worked since I was 16 years old and developed a professional career in sales (20 hours a week alongside a full-time university degree, then full time). I was very good at my job, and had the good fortune to receive 1-to-1 training from some of the best in my field. It sucked and I hated it, but I pushed through because I was raised to believe that a strong work ethic and resulting success was a virtue. Survival was also a pretty good motivator.
I've done 70-hour weeks, grinded for deadlines, tried starting my own businesses and battled undiagnosed ADHD throughout that time. I was physically incapable of holding down a job over the last year and a half, and have lived off government support, but I am now fully capable of returning to work and have a moral obligation to support myself moving forward.
My question is what the hell do I do now? If I return to that same feeling of hopelessness, I'm going to burn out or kill myself – survival didn't even matter to me in the end. Before someone recommends I get help, I've had extensive therapy and my mental health is absolutely fine when I'm not working. I can't go back to sales, and I'm too far out of my degree to have a shot at the professional career it originally qualified me for. With a year and a half of my CV essentially blank, my opportunities are going to be more limited than I'd like.
Has anyone found ways to mitigate that sense of futility, or has any suggestions for ways/considerations in moving forward? I really don't want to return to work, but I have to grow up.