Hello, any advice would be very appreciated. Basically when me and my partner started the process to buy our house together there were concerns with the mortgage team about my job, since we're moving to where my partner lives it'll be away from my area, so I was told we'd only be able to buy the house if I left my job which I liked and get a remote job. I've had depression and anxiety for over a decade but it's at a really high point lately.
I've joined a company that were willing to take me on. I can't get nearly any remote jobs since I don't really have any degrees or anything so my options were limited and I ended up on phone lines for a topic that I cannot wrap my head around despite having some weeks training. The job seems great and I'm sure it is for some people but it's killing me. It's not what I thought I was getting into, I'm constantly stressed and depressed, I cry every morning before work, I have frequent panic attacks during the day and all of my free time is spend feeling anxiety about the next day, I'm too depressed for any of my hobbies now and my life feels like it revolves only around this job. I don't really have anyone in the company I feel comfortable confiding in and I feel like nobody is listening to just how bad I feel, they just say “it'll be worth it in the end, you'll get used to it” and its at the point where I'm thinking about trying to end my life not to die necessarily, but to have a reason to not work.
If I take time off I just feel really guilty and it eats at me because I don't know if losing the job will lose us the house. The process is nearly done but if it all falls apart it'll destroy everything we've worked sp hard for. I left early today after a bad panic attack that set off my asthma but now I just feel insanely guilty and afraid, but nobody's listening to me or actually trying to help.
Does anyone have any tips on how to cope for another month or so, assuming I don't get fired for running away today?