hi! I'm looking for a bit of reassurance about my situation at work if anyone has any thoughts (sorry it’s a bit long)
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I started working in a technical position in a relatively small nonprofit about three years ago (a role that requires regular overtime work).
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After a year and a half they posted a job posting for a position directly above me, which I applied for even though I knew they wanted someone external (since they posted the job and didn't talk with me about it). I officially didn't get the job because I didn't have 'management experience', but I also bombed the final interview due to the build-up / anxiety I had around the whole thing (which I feel just helped their case).
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The person they hired as my manager is chill / a good people person, but not the most organized or competent tech-wise. I had to help train him, clean up his mistakes, and ‘manage up’ so to speak for the first year he was there and I have been a bit bitter towards him unfortunately from the beginning
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I got a small, half-step promotion 6 months after he started (my second year in the position) but at that point it already felt overdue / tokenistic with the level he was at.
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We lost a cornerstone on the team and went through major system changes just after that, requiring more overtime and more technical skills than before (of which my 'grand-boss' and I mostly carried the weight of).
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Fast forward to top of this year, we set out to hire someone to take work off my plate and for me to gain said ‘management experience’. We end up finding someone we like for the role in addition to a candidate that we liked even more but they were more skilled than the entry-level posting. My bosses said that we could hire both and I was thinking that would mean I would move up the ladder like a quarter step or something to adjust everything, but they said that they would just hire the more skilled one at my same level (but that I would be seen as more ‘senior’?). I tried to ask for a raise (a first in my life), since I knew a promotion wasn't on the table and they basically said not until August at the earliest.
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This situation basically broke me and I basically hit rock bottom / full burn out for two weeks. Now, after extending the offers, the person for the entry level position backed out so now we don't have anyone for the position we were originally hiring for and I helped hire a colleague instead (I’m in chaos theory mode though, and I see it as karma and think it’s almost comical at this point).
This is my first job with benefits and I keep going through ups and downs of confidence then guilt. I do like the org / benefits and like that the work is challenging, but I feel like I’m not being appreciated for the weight I carry (and I felt disappointed that I wasn’t able to leverage it into anything material).
I guess I’m just looking for if anyone has been through a similar cycle/position, on the other side of a similar position, or just if anyone has any advice in general? Am I in the right to feel like I'm being walked over / taken advantage of or are my expectations too high? I think I just keep hoping they’ll see the light and everything will get fixed before I have to leave (I know the job market is shitty rn too ugh) but I don’t have my hopes up Thanks in advance if you made it this far, I’ve been thinking of positing about this for a while and finally decided to go for it