This morning I went to work my opening shift (9 a.m.) even though I was sick and had a low-grade fever. I felt that because I called out the night before the walls were closing in on me. Although everyone says you should stay home when you're sick, no boss actually means that. My boss asked how I was and I said doing okay I think, I figured it would be better for me to at least try and the worst thing that happens is I wouldn't make it all day. Rather than calling in early in the morning when no one would be able to help them open. Mind you, my voice was pretty messed up from being sick, I sounded like I had the Empire State building up both nostrils and was speaking through a kazoo. I lasted about a half-hour of sweating, snot dribbling down the inside of my mask, constantly messing up or forgetting my sales routine, and customers looking at me like I was the plague until I told my boss that I was sorry but I didn't think I could do this.
My boss walks up to me and just stands there staring. When I whimper in confusion. She snapped at me ” Go, no it's fine, I'll do it by myself.” in a very annoyed and abrupt tone. I had never heard her speak that way and had considered her to be really nice. I felt lucky to work here with a good team and a good boss. She was always overly friendly to me in particular. When I left and drove home I accidentally drove forward instead of backing out of my parking space slamming into the curb. It took all my concentration to make sure I was safely driving on the way home. When I pulled up to my place I reacted just in time to stop myself from crashing into a parked car and I accidentally slammed into the curb instead because I put the clutch in the wrong mode again. It was more like a crash landing than a park job. And no, that isn't normally my driving style, I prefer the kind where I'm not afraid to hit things.
I have a tendency to push myself too far for jobs, something I'm trying to break but the world doesn't make it very easy. I usually have an existential crisis over whether or not I should call out when I'm sick. I don't know why things have to be this way. I had been planning on quitting this job because they just couldn't pay me as much as I needed or give me as many hours as I needed. But now I feel like what would have been i good parting is now going to be a sour one.