sorry if this is all over the place, & sorry it’s so long.
i’m in an emotionally charged situation right now and my thoughts are all over. i really hope it’s okay to ask this here. i searched beforehand. please forgive me if it’s redundant or something. please don’t drag me or anything. going through a lot.
but i’m essentially asking if anyone has any ideas for how i can fit myself into this system with my not-so-great background and my tendency to struggle with focus. i have an AA in graphic design, a somewhat okay portfolio (i do not think i could get anything really high paying with it unless i just completely overhaul it and i’ve been trying but i’m starting to hate it. i’m willing to keep forcing myself though. it’s got a lot of social media type content in it if that helps?), a bit rusty with doing designs. willing to do OE since rent is so fucking high everywhere and i need every penny i can get.
have done a lot of data entry and some customer service. i’m doing gig work rn. training/evaluating AI. is there a cheap service or something that would tell me how to craft my resume into something that could get me a high paying job? i wish i could get into dev or something along those lines . i tried.
i don’t think i can handle months of taking a course and then hoping someone hires me with just a coursera cert as experience. i really wish i could have one of those rare unicorn remote do nothing jobs that we all know exist but i have to be realistic about my (lack of) experience and how much i can handle while living in the environment i’m in. i need to get out asap. i realize i’m deeply burnt out but i literally cannot afford to be.
i’m asking here because i hate working & i feel like maybe you all wont scold me too much for wanting to “finesse” my way into a better job (nothing illegal though, just mostly resume crafting or something like that ). i know i’m smart and capable and will actually do good work. i just HATE it. i hate the way we do “work” in this society. i can’t do it anymore. i can’t take the lies. i’m tired of lying to myself and others. tired of lying in interviews. no i’m not passionate about pixels or KPIs or anything. i just need money. i’m so tired.
i finally got great therapy this year. helped me a TON but didn’t help with giving me motivation to work. tried antidepressants again. didn’t help. i don’t know if i could actually mentally handle being chained to a job anymore but i absolutely need to get out of the toxic living environment i’m in. i’m willing to try and force myself again. at least one more time before i just go live in the forest or something. idk. what would you do?
i’m hoping y’all can understand where i’m coming from. i have focus issues and i work with them but i think the problem is that none of this shit is what i actually want to do in life. i’d rather just live. make art. i just want to be me. but the way the system is set up, even saying that makes me feel shame.
so i just need to find the least horrific thing i can do (i would like remote and no phones but even having preferences feels “wrong”?) that pays enough (and rent is SO high and you have to make 3x 🥲) to get me out of here. any ideas? if not, even just some kind words would help. i feel so defeated. thanks if you read all of this. it’s embarrassing and i may delete it because it’s so jumbled and i’m scared someone is going to be rude while i’m feeling down. but i would really appreciate any tips or ideas. best wishes to y’all.