I really just need to hear some words of encouragment. I am like 2-3 weeks behind at work, and I know that is not a lot (certainly not a little either) and should be able to get back on track, and maybe I will, really hope so, but its far from being a 100% thing.
So, I am not actually diagnosticated with ADHD, but something I for sure have, because what I experience, I experienced for almost 20 years and its not from being just lazyor procrastinating, I am at least 1 week behind at work at all times while working evert weekend to get back on track. I would be fucking amazed scared and dissapointed to find out I actually dont have something wrong in my head.
My work is not that hard, and for an organised person that loves their job, the work enviroment I think its very good, but for me its a huge source of stress. Im basically never, never stress free. 7/7 days a week, nothing I do is not accompanied by the fear of work behind me, and this is my life for almost a year now. Its not that bad for a few weeks maybe, but I am finally reaching a point where I actually feel like I cannot take it no more and I am trapped. Later today ( its a saturday ) I will work, and I will work tomorrow too, but im not gonna get back on track, im just gonna make it less bad if someone checks on me, I will just take it from “wow you are useless right now and need a lot of attention from more experienced people to make sure you actually do something” to “you are pretty behind and thats not ok, we need to check on you a bit more these next weeks” .
A colleague of mine keeps checking on me, stressing me out to no end. its not her actual job, she is 4 years old in the company while im just 16 months, so she has the knowledge to do so, but she is not my actual boss and its not her job to do so. She just works a lot, and plans meetings with the team and organises the work more than our managers do. Not saying she does not do a good job, or that she is not helping the other colleagues, because the others colleagues are good at work so she actually helps them stay organised most of the times, but this actually stuns me. I get so stressed I cannot work and just focus on ways to avoid her. Micromanagement made me go from 3-5 working days behind to 3 full weeks. And 3-5 jobs I can do and get back on track and its still a bad life, but this is too much. And this will not change no matter what I do.
I do have a plan, and this is actually the best course of action right now and will also get me to my final point/question.
Step 1 : I will quit, I am actively looking for new jobs, already had an interview and am applying left and right on linkedin until I can find something, very soon I hope so.
Step 2: in the meantime, will try and do my best at this job I hate and consumes my life and energy because most of the people here are nice and I dont want to let them in a bad position. Its none of their fault (with the obvious mentioned exception) . I actually feel bad for leaving the people, but I need a complete restart
Step 3: so this shit does not actually happen again, will go very soon to a psychiatrist and try to get medication for ADHD. Already been to theraphy and tried non medication stuff, and its not enough. And I also dont care, I will take any side effects over this, I need my life back.
Now, adhd people who actually been in a similar position, did you take similar steps? What was the outcome for you? Any advice? Any words of encouragment please?
Feeling really low ngl