I've worked in this nightclub for almost a year now. This whole time I've been efforting constantly to get along with other people. It's run by all under 30 staff, and it's been really difficult. I had no idea why I was finding it so difficult, I worked another job a few years ago with chill middle aged men and felt so at ease, we'd talk about books, movies, funny stories, it was easy and fun but this… So many times I went home from shifts crying because someone else (another woman usually,) would put me down and make me feel small. The whole culture is you're either in, or you're out, and I could never find out how to just be friends with any of these people, whilst for them, they live and die by this nightclub. They'd insinuate that I could be responsible for missing money, share judgemental glances about me to each other right in my face, take every opportunity they could to “put me in my place” and shout at me (when they never spoke to anybody else that way… ) Chastise me endlessly for things to the point id cry that they themselves would do, take small mistakes and blow them up way out of proportion with big long paragraphs threatening my job while ganging up on me with other workers, try to shame me for getting along with anybody they know (because they must always be the most important/liked,) a lot of the women would monitor my every interaction with specific men to make sure I wasn't flirting with their crush (I wasn't interested,) constant “upstaging” and competitive behavior when I wasn't even comparing myself, to the point where I had to put myself down in order to get on with other people.
Well it all came to head a few nights ago, when I was at work and one of my male managers came in and took me outside. He showed up and made me leave my shift 2 hours early (even though I already had been low on hours,) scream-shouted at me like a wrestler when I hadn't even raised my voice (and when I said you can't shout at me he said, “I'm your boss I can do whatever I want!”) implied that the fact I go to therapy makes me mentally unfit to work there, said that as my boss he had the right to tell me not to have gone to my ex's on the night out we were on the day before (which I found very isolating, that staff-do,) even though what I do outside of work is none of his concern, as well as saying that me going to my ex's somehow made me unfit for work which was a reason why he was sending me home (????) Said I was being completely disrespectful and unacceptable in messages (by politely explaining that I wasn't made aware of what the proper protocol was in a particular situation, as there was no boss on shift,) and basically implied he was going to fire me the next day (I had no warnings.)
Well, on my way home I'm shaking, and I message the owner of the place everything that just happened. I found out the next day the owner talked to my shouty boss, and suddenly two days later my boss is being the sweetest peach to me over text, saying he wants me to feel a part of the family, that he'll give me all the hours I've been asking for, that the chat was really just for us to touch basis (and not another opportunity to shout at me,)
Well I'm pretty disenfranchised with the place now. On the night out we had the day before that had been in the process of being arranged for months, I felt really alone and hardly anybody would even talk to me, and my other boss who I felt the closest to made it obvious she wanted me to keep my distance, which made it apparent to me that she only keeps me close whilst we're on shift so I'm under her control, but outside of work she doesn't care about or want anything to do with me. And after my boss shouting at me, and sending me home so another person could come work for fun with her best friend who she got the job for on shift, I just felt like not giving any of them any chances for genuine friendship anymore. My stress has been so high, as well as my self-concept under scrutiny constantly, to try and fit in and get along with these people at this job I'd really wanted, only to realize, these people do not have the same interests as me and care more about maintaining their precious world that they've created, and are committed to talking about me behind my back and isolate me when I've only tried to get on in sincerity, be forthcoming, and be supportive.
I could tell last night they were all surprised at my being quieter (why talk to only have it made fun of constantly?) And now my boss is giving me everything I've asked for.
Tbh I'm considering getting another job, this just isn't worth it. But I feel no guilt anymore for not being people-pleasy or extending myself constantly to them to just make fun of me, take advantage of me, and walk all over me.
Edit: also he said in reference to the day before, “it was a stressful day for both of us I imagine.” Lmao.