My manager, Boss, used to be my coworker before she was promoted. Back when we were coworkers, she texted me telling me that she had a crush on me. I kindly told her that I was flattered but not interested. I said I hoped that we could remain friends, and for the next few weeks it seemed like nothing had really changed. We were still friendly at work and she never said anything after. All was good.
Fast forward a month or so and she is promoted to our manager. No issues, Boss is doing a fine job as manager and the crush was never brought up again. Around this time I start seeing a different coworker, P (please don’t blast me for seeing a coworker I understand it’s a bad idea, it’s a part time job and I’m only there 1-2 days a week).
Everything between myself and P is great. We go on several dates and start seeing each other pretty seriously after a while. Here’s where the issue begins: Boss and P are friends. They became friends through work but started hanging out outside of work before and after Boss became our manager. Things get serious enough to where P tells Boss that we are seeing each other and things don’t go too well. She didn’t blow up or anything but she was obviously upset that it was happening.
One night after work Boss texts P and says that her and I need to make it less obvious that we are seeing each other at work, she even said “this is coming from your boss not your friend.” Here’s the thing, P and I rarely even talk at work, our schedules don’t hardly align to where we can. We walk each other out to our cars after our shifts but that’s about it. We shrug it off, because we’re already acting appropriately at work.
Fast forward another month, I come to find out that when our check-in staff aren’t working, Boss is taking our tip out money that normally goes to them and pocketing it. I bring up to her that it is illegal, federally, for a manager to take any tips from employees whatsoever. I do not threaten to lawyer up, but I let her know that she shouldn’t do it anymore. The owner of the company and Boss hold a staff meeting where they call me out by name, saying that I had an issue with them, then lie to all employees and tell them that they were doing nothing wrong by having Boss take our tip outs. Disregarding how illegal this is, I don’t care. I’m here 1-2 times a week and I want to move on. It seems like they stopped after I brought it up, they just will not admit that it was wrong. So after this I am obviously in hot water with management/ownership.
Here’s the best part. At the end of P’s shift the other night, Boss asks her if she and I are still seeing each other. She says yes. Boss says she doesn’t approve and that, as a friend, P is going to have to choose between me and her. P came over after work and told me all about it. We laughed about the situation, but it was still incredibly shocking to both of us.
Can a manager even do this? Wager their friendship with a subordinate vs. their romantic relationship with someone else? This organization is ran so crookedly, I just don’t know if they have any ethical limits on what they’ll do.
TLDR: Boss used to have a crush on me. She is friends with a coworker that I am now seeing romantically. Boss does some shady work things. Boss then tells coworker that she has to pick between seeing me romantically or being friends with her.