I don’t know what to do
I have been having a very rough time lately.
This summer I broke my ankle, and as a result of not moving it I got a blood clot so I had to start taking blood thinners. Then I was pulled over and got a huge fine. Then my dad was diagnosed with end stage liver failure. I’ve also been struggling with gender related mental health stuff.
Over the months my dad has gotten worse, he’s gotten so bad that he can’t walk without help. The other day he got confused while driving and got lost and then walked into the naighbors house by mistake.So I’ve started to have to take care of him at night when my mom is at work and can’t take care of him. I help him walk, make him meals, do things around the house, help him dress, dress his wounds, take him to appointments all while watching him deteriorate in front of my eyes. I’m in my 20s!!!
I have tried to explain this to my boss. I’m a school photographer and it requires me to often drive long hours, and basically always be looking at my phone for texts and emails from the company. I’ve been late and missing work a lot recently because of my situation with my dad and my bad anxiety as a result. Many mornings I wake up with my heart racing and blood pressur through the roof. I’ve cried at work, I’ve gotten sick from the stress. I feel like I’m at my wits end. I can’t do this.
Am sitting in a school bathroom today, avoiding everything, because last night I was sent a job file at the last minute. I didn’t get it because I did not have time to check my work email while I was caring for my father. My dad is literally dying I’m not thinking about school pictures. On top of that my boss emailed me about taking disciplinary action because of my frequent tardiness and calling out.
I keep thinking about doing anything to get out of this today. I just want to h*rt myself.