My new company had a lot of restructuring and due to a hiring freeze, my boss can't hire more people in my team. She is trying to get vendors on board so that my job becomes easier. I'm very stressed out though.
I took a vacation a few weeks back and due to my ptsd nightmares, I couldn't switch off from work completely because I kept dreaming of incomplete work tasks everyday.
I can't get rid of the burn out. It's continued from my previous job. I tried my best to take time off but since I am also in a lot of physical pain due to minor chronic conditions, it is very difficult to feel rested.
I can't participate in sports or weight training like I used to till I have recovered from my injuries. Not having that physical outlet has made it difficult to be free. Living in pain constantly makes me feel very tired. I only do physio and stretching now coupled with 8-10 steps 4-6 days a week.
I don't work too much. I do the usual 9-5 and also a bit more while traveling for work. But my work never gets over. I never have a satisfactory day at work when I'm just happy with what I've achieved.
I also take all my vacation days. But my physical and mental issues make it very difficult for me to wind down completely.
My manager is generally nice but we don't get to talk enough because I travel for work so much. I feel very bad while complaining but I still try to tell her when things get difficult. I don't know that she's going to say tomorrow. I have therapy today. I'll discuss this fear with my therapist but I just wanted to get this out of my system.
I get very scared when people say they want to talk about something but don't say what they want to talk about. I'm so scared. I really need this job. I know, rationally, that I can work on whatever constructive criticism I receive, but I'm very scared.
And very tired. I just wanted to vent this. Thank you for reading.