I wrote out an entire dramatic post about my experience of being a remote worker who was then forced to return to office for 4 days a week in person and how that has taken away my safety, my security, my ability to have a life outside of work, my health, and even my love for what I do. However I deleted it because the main thing I want to say is that in late August, a co-worker who continually makes fun of me for wearing masks (they know I am high risk and that Covid in 2020 put me into a coma as well as two flu infections in the last 4 years has landed me in the ER for several weeks) came into the office sick. They were coughing a lot, not covering their mouth, coughing into their hands and touching things and specifically coming to my cubicle coughing at me. Touching my things and asking me if I was scared of a little cold. Now they don't believe in testing so they “never tested positive” because they never tested at all but I did test positive several days later and I did spend 3 weeks in and out of the ER fighting for my life and my team of doctors did find a swelled vessel in my brain they have labeled it as a brain aneurysm that hasn't ruptured and so my goal for the next few months. While it hopefully relaxes and goes away is to not have it rupture and kill me or permanently disabled me in some way. The co-worker still makes fun of me for this. However, it has allowed me to return to working remotely and the worst part of this is that I feel like this brain aneurysm is one of the greatest things to happen to me. I have never felt this freedom in a long time in my work.
I am eating regularly again I am sleeping still less than my doctor recommends but more than I was commuting and I am sleeping better according to the monitors I wear as well as my fit bit. My clients and agencies I work with want to be on the phone with me more than ever because they said I just have this spark they haven't seen from me in months and my family says the same. I can't lift over 5 lb. I'm supposed to relax. I am supposed to pretty much do nothing besides be catatonic as much as possible in order to try and minimize my aneurysm and hopefully let the vessel shrink back down, but all this has made me realize is that I am happier and healthier with a brain aneurysm which is in my mind at taking time bomb in my head threatening my well being than I am commuting and working in office. I don't want to spend forever chasing this feeling that I have now of just being happy and being healthy but I am just so much better in every area of my life on my new routine that I don't know how I can go back.