I’ve been working here for 3+ years, since about April of 2020. At the time, I took the job bc it was in the midsts of Covid, and as a recent grad I was desperate for anything just to get me by. It was unrelated to my education/interests, but I told myself this was just temporary until I found something better.
Obviously I ended up staying much longer; yet I was completely disinterested in my work. It was fairly easy and flexible (fully remote), but it was consuming/draining enough where I struggled to conjure the energy/motivation for searching for other jobs. The pay was quite meager too, but enough where I could get by and tolerated it in exchange for the flexibility.
The past year I’d become especially complacent and apathetic. From the start, I had the mindset of “if they pay us low, they should expect low effort” which was exacerbated when our annual raises this year were laughably low– for everyone. Some of you may think that if I wanted better pay, I should’ve worked harder. But I’ve watched my coworkers/teammates absolutely bust their ass, going above and beyond, yet they still got paid the same.
I’d definitely outgrown this position. And understand how my manager said my performance hadn’t improved from when they put me on a PIP months ago. But I felt I was burnt out and underpaid already; and they also increased the workload and responsibilities for my team as well during that time.
I know technically was my fault. But I know this doesn’t reflect my ability/competency. Yet I also can’t help but feel incredibly ashamed and embarrassed.