I hate how everything I want to do is so tied up to work.Any life improvement I want to do requires money and a job.
If my job gets stressful, the panic of getting fired kills my motivation to work out, go on dates, learn new skills, improve my mental health, etc. These aren't even big things liek expensive vacations or buying yachts. Just basic things.
I'm laying there in bed all day, and everything feels so aritifical and fake. They keep you trapped in that fear of dropping down the lowest level of Maslows hierarchy. They want you to know that you are a subhuman if you lose your job and you can never escape that basic subsistence level.
In my own life I've seen the worst part is that it all hinges on how my boss is feeling, how well I get along with the team, and doing the best I can not to get fired. However for that last one, i know deep down nothing I can do really even after trying my best is ever enough, and it's all a game not in my control. Say one wrong thing, one wrong move and your out. Fuck the 50 times you were right. 1 is all it takes and maybe you weren't even wrong. Your boss had an argument with his wife that day and he just projected it onto you.
I can never feel like im moving ahead and making progress. There is a constant fear that everything I do will be meaningless and fall apart. It's like I'm on a unicycle on a treadmill trying to juggle 7 chainsaws, and the treadmill randomly speeds up down, goes in reverse, incline, decline and I can never know.