I can't get SSDI as far as I can tell. I'd love to just do freelance work from home, and I only need 25+ hours a week to get by because I split expenses with my partner and we're pretty frugal. But so far haven't really found a way to make that work because I'd need a lot of free time in the beginning to build a portfolio or something, get clients, etc., and end up with enough work to live on. I'd love to do something where I could just make my own hours and work whenever I'm able, but I also do not have a car or a license, for that matter, so things like Uber aren't an option.
Every traditional job I've had is pretty strict on punctuality, and after almost a decade of being an adult, that shit just isn't how my brain or body is ever gonna work. I don't really want to get into all of my conditions atm, trust me yes it's chronic no it's not fixable. I'm in both physical and talk therapy/psychiatry, this is as good as it gets. I can work, I can function by my own standards but this seems to be the one single thing that nowhere can offer any sort of accommodation for. I only have experience with service/retail and administration. I have to call in at least 2-3 days out of every month, and I generally end up being late at least once a week. Whenever I push myself to ensure that doesn't happen, I end up so burnt out and in pain, which just ends up compounding on itself because I feel like a fucking failure, that I inevitably will fail and either get fired or quit.
I'm already working as few hours as I can while still affording survival, I'm frugal as hell and I've been poor my whole life, I don't need much. Changing around my days or only working certain shifts doesn't work because these symptoms are not predictable, I can't plan it. I know that I could be great at a lot of things if given the chance but every job I ever have, once I've been there for a couple months I'm somehow already “on thin ice” and I can't ever get stability anywhere, much less get ahead, even though all of my supervisors and coworkers seem to like me and comment on how fast I can get things done, how creative I am, good at finding better ways to do things, etc. Am I just stuck with job hopping forever?
My current job is a small business and as far as I can tell, everyone there is in a great rhythm with each other and pretty happy. It would be so, so nice if I could stick around a while. But I got the flu, which makes everything else worse simultaneously. The owners are an older couple who've had this business for many years, and they're very nice but very picky about attendance and times. I haven't been fired but the second day I was sick, I overslept just due to sleep deprivation from constant coughing the night before and was late letting them know I would be missing a second day, and they're clearly not happy with me now as I was already late to work once before. They're aware of my health issues and seemed like they'd be sympathetic in the beginning, but so does everywhere else. If I walk into a job interview and tell them I anticipate having to call in on short notice or be late for work several times a month, I'll be laughed out of there in a minute.
I don't understand how CEOs haven't figured out yet that maybe if they paid people a livable wage, had health benefits that don't absorb half your paycheck, and didn't constantly hang the threat of termination over peoples heads even when they're overall more productive than most of their peers, maybe that would actually help? Maybe chronically ill people who are less stressed out and less scared of becoming homeless actually have an easier time improving physically and could manage a lot more?