Rant
CW: hints of passive suicidal ideation
25M, graduated uni three years ago with ambitions in healthcare, maybe physical therapy. Fairly bright, was doing well. Then my own health went into the toilet. No diagnoses, an endless number of doctors can’t figure anything out, little help from meds or healthy lifestyle tips. Just a collection of symptoms in various body systems that make normal life impossible. (Doesn’t seem to be long COVID, and I haven’t knowingly gotten COVID yet.)
Living with my parents, scraping by on odd online jobs. But with the consistent severity of daily symptoms, frequent flare-ups of chronic illness, and how often I get sick (10 total weeks of respiratory illness this year despite solid precautions, but thankfully no COVID at least according to PCR tests), work consistency is impossible. I could maybe squeeze 20-25h/wk out of myself with 12 weeks of sick leave per year. But that’s not how jobs, esp. any solid career, works. I could make it in software, in healthcare, etc. with half of the standard salary for half-time work (and again, a ton of sick leave), but those jobs don’t really exist.
It’s terrible feeling jealous of the average 9-5 worker, wishing desperately that I was healthy enough to be exploited by capitalists like the rest of society. My parents’ patience with me is wearing thin – they still see me as a healthy adult with high potential, and don’t understand why I’m still living at home. They will never see beyond the idea that I’m “lazy” and “need to grow up.” They easily have money to fund the rest of my life (and I’ve been privileged so far to have their financial support), but their support will end soon. After that, I’m not sure I’ll be able to make it on my own, to afford anything except death. (Not that I’m all that opposed to that. I have a pretty low quality of life with all my symptoms anyway.) I won’t be able to get disability or much support elsewhere, either.
Honestly, how do other chronically ill people make it? How do you navigate being able to work fewer hours, the sheer number of job opportunities lost because of the overwhelming emphasis on full-time in most careers, and unmanageable healthcare expenses? I know my situation is not all that rare, but I have so little hope for my own future.
(Btw, not really in the mood to discuss the specifics of my health/symptoms or esp. get unsoliticed health advice from the internet. Just kinda wanted to rant and see how people survive like this.)