My situation is a bit strange, so it will require some context. I apologize if this is a lot to read.
I worked as a regular bakery clerk for about 8 months. This was too physically demanding for me, as I'm chronically ill. The two most debilitating parts of my chronic illnesses are the pain (including a very stiff body as a result of being diagnosed with Lupus that is still not managed in full, and chronic migraines, alongside all of the comorbid symptoms that go with these two diseases), and the overwhelming fatigue that makes it so 8 hours of sleep is simply not enough for me. Unfortunately, it's all I can afford given that I'm a full-time student with a 40-hour work week, one of which is an overnight from 10pm to 7am. As a student, this shift in my sleep schedule throws off my entire week, and I find myself getting a collective 10 hours of sleep on Saturday and Sunday.
I put in my letter of resignation in August, simply explaining that I am too unwell to continue working and it was the advising of my doctor that finally pushed me to leave. However, I had been such a diligent worker up until that point that I was given the option to work a much more boring office-type job for the company, which was essentially a promotion because the work is all confidential and looks nicer on my resume, as you must be hand-picked to work in the office. The only reason I was asked to say, I realize now, is that I mostly kept my head down and did any work that was asked of me without question. Essentially, I set the bar too high, and it's crashing down on me now.
Naturally, I took the job. I do not get paid extra for it. While it is less physically demanding and I'm guaranteed a 40-hr. week, no more and no less, I am miserable there. Every night, knowing that I'll be waking up at 5:30am to make it to my 7am shift, all I can think about is how I hope I fall so gravely ill that I cannot make it. Hospitalization, car accident, falling and hitting my head, or any concoction of terrible things that would force me out for even just one day. I hope I don't wake up. I wish to be fired, though I know I would be mortified if it came to that. I've been so stressed that I've passively considered suicide (please do not worry – I would never actually, hence why I'm mentioning it's passive ideation) as an outlet so that I don't have to deal with this for the rest of my damn life.
I do not have to work this job. The money is supplemental income for me, as I have a hefty sum of money in savings and I have a scholarship that pays more than I need, which I received in the form of a refund check. Unfortunately, I have only worked this office job for roughly 3 months, and while I have been a pretty decent worker in my time there (less so now that I am miserable with my life), I cannot do it anymore. The environment is extremely weird overall, and very toxic.
My coworkers are disgusting people – they laugh at our employers who fall and get injured on the job, insisting that they were being 'theatrical' and 'dramatic'. They sling around how they thought our coworkers were 'mentally handicapped', and how shocking it is that they haven't been fired for their intellectual abilities. They gossip and discuss their disdain for everyone, and I can't help but imagine I'm not immune to this when I'm not there, as they've all worked together for a decade+. I feel uncomfortable around them, especially given that they are technically the managers of my office. See the issue with the dynamic?
Now, given that I've only been there for 3 months, I feel incredibly awkward putting in another letter of resignation. I know that I owe this company nothing. Again, it's a shitty minimum wage job and they will fill my shoes tomorrow if I left without notice – and I would, if I didn't find them to be a valuable reference, as that company is the only one I had ever worked for.
So, my question. How should I go about an appropriate letter of resignation? Due to my illnesses, I've been calling out more than usual (not a crazy amount, but I believe four times in the past two months, and I've left early by an hour or two thrice as well). On one hand, I believe this is proof enough to them that I've been doing poorly. On the other hand, I'm not sure I can go sit in the awkward office space after submitting my two-week notice after being less reliable than usual.
Do I tell them I'm leaving for health reasons? Should I explain that my recent lack of reliability in attendance is because of how unwell I've been? Between the illnesses and pain that I have, and the fact that I would rather be dead than show up for my mundane 8 hours, I'm not sure how much they truly need to know. Not to mention, I'm currently on a break from school – but in January the term will start and if I'm not somehow back to my normal self, I'm actually going to go off the deep end, I fear.
I know I shouldn't care as much as I do. I'm young, in school already, and do not have to worry about falling short on some crazy sum of bills if I leave tomorrow. I wish the two-week notice wasn't such a big thing for future employment…