So. To start off, I'm a long time lurker, first time poster to this sub, and I don't know if this is really the place to ask this but I need advice from people who value themselves. If there's a better sub for me to be asking this question, please post it in the comments
I'm self-employed. I work as a freelance lighting technician for concerts, shows, tv/film, local events, etc. I usually get gigs from other people who have their own companies or other freelancers that have taken on a contract. I love what I do and the fact that I work for myself is great, no boss (except the client), pick my own hours, and name my own rate.
I'm also a Type 1 diabetic and as such have a lowered immune system. I tend to get sick easily but most of the time I try to power through it. But there are days like today where I'm so sick that I can't push myself to do 10 hours of physical labour.
The company I'm freelancing with today has coverage and is understanding, as are most companies I work with/for. But I can't help but worry about my reputation as the guy who is always sick, or the guy that has to take breaks because of his blood-sugar. I'm worried that I'll stop getting as many calls if I keep having to cancel last minute because of my health. As such, whenever I am working and feeling okay, I'm pushing myself to the absolute limit to try to “prove” to people that I'm worth keeping around.
I also spend a lot of my sick days beating myself up mentally for not being able to keep up physically.
Does anyone have any advice on how I can work through or re-frame this in my mind? I find it's harder to say “not my problem” when I'm in charge of my own workload. And when the consequences for not being enough might be a loss of hours.