I work at a very small company. 12 people. On a personal level I like them all. But only 3 are really good at the job. Leadership doesn't understand nor has ever done the work we do. I've only been at my company a short time, but in that time we've resolved a lot of the dysfunction (though clearly not all of it)… But still I've done it by pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion. Just because I couldn't handle dealing with the problems. I did a ton of training, I built a ton of processes, I built a lot of relationships and communication skills for myself and other, I worked to better ensure project management, and setup. But I am so burnt out.
Today originally I felt like all my hard work was finally paying off and everything was finally going smoothly. Then leadership started asking me a bunch of questions that they really should already know the answer to in a panic and pulling in all kinds of things that didn't necessarily make sense. After that, I'd realized one of the employees that I manage hasn't been doing some of her work since 8/16. I have one employee who is doing okay, but for sure could use more attention that I don't have to give. And one who is totally idiot who seems unable to retain most information, though at least he always does the work.
This is after spending weeks trying to organize and take processes to the next step to make things easier and quicker for people. So that we can do more faster without missing anything AND not getting burnt out.
But after today I'm done. I just can't care anymore. Most of these people are doing a crappy job. I don't believe I can make it any better (at least not while I'm feeling like this).
I tried “quiet quitting” before(like last year around this time), but my work suffered and it just led to more stress for me. So many of the things that I have built and created have worked and made things better for people… including myself… but now that I'm so burnt out I just am about to lose it in a big way.
How do I let go? How do I actually not care again at least until I have some of my energy back.
I feel like I'm running this company sometimes and I have no interest in doing that. And I don't get paid enough to do that.
I'm trying to get myself in a better financial situation, get out of debt, take a sabbatical (trust me, I understand the extreme privilege that takes) and then change careers but I have a long time of saving ahead of me.
How do I keep going?