As the title suggests, I am sitting here thinking about the stressful job I have. For context, I am an Iraq combat vet, and thought that after that deployment in 05-06 with the 101st, life would be downhill and easy comparitively. However, I have found myself in a job that while not Iraq bad, is bad in its own ways. For one, Iraq was a short period of my life with an abrupt end, all being considered, whereas now, I see no escape.
I digress though because I want to rant about a very particular stressful part. I am now a clinical administrator (means i do both clinical work and oversee others clinical work at a hospital). One particular part of my job I hate is having to word every statement as carefully as I can. Just when I think I have, for example, a meeting or an email I have to adress people in, I have to worry about how every single word or statement will be perceived like many here have probably had the displeasure of experiencing.
Concerning this, I will often run my statements or emails by someone I trust, and even after a lot of thought in my original, they will be like, “well I would take this out. I wouldn't say this because it will be perceived xyz..I would change this..Oh don't do that” etc. I think I am an empathetic administrator and part of why I even took the job, when I knew I would prefer just being a front line clinician only, was to not be the bosses I have had. That unfortunately has a whole other issue I could write about, which is I am looked at as weak in the power dynamics of the other supervisors because I try to play nice.
The issue with commincation, isn't limited to this position. I have always had to worry about it, but just more now. Most of it has to do with fragile egos, speaking truth to power, or miscommunication, or just how working with a bunch of doctors and clinicians, everything seems to have to be intellectual mind games and challenges including a lot of gaslighting by people who should know better. My job priority is taking care of clients, which is tough job sometimes, so to have to worry about using one statement that might send a doctor into narcissistic rage because they misinterpreted something or disagree with you, really sucks.
The medical field in the US where I am at, is absolutely horrible on every level, but you tell yourself you do it because you are helping people , or at least I do, but the reality is, you get dependent on the system (housing, car, food, entertainment, medical bills, kids expenses), so you feel stuck unfortunately in a job a lot of people probably think they would like to have. That latter part was me because as a veteran, father, husband, someone in recovery from certain things, I had a passion to help. Problem is, I see for at least 60 percent of my coworkers, don't give a damn about helping and are the lazy people that the rest of us have to pick up the slack.
I am looking for a new job now, which entails again, putting together a resume package where you really have to watch every word, and most here have likely experienced. I can't help but feel if I find a new job, it will be just more of the same.