~Using a throw away account~
I (30 female) have been dating someone (31 male) for 4 years and we recently got engaged the beginning of this year. We have been doing long distance for almost two years now since our jobs require us to be in office. I currently live in the west coast and he lives in the south. Since he has proposed, something snapped in my brain to try and find a job in the same city as my fiancé. I've been applying for jobs since we've been engaged (early 2023), but not even an interview has been offered.
He mentioned there would be an opening (fall 2023) at his job, and I would be perfect for it. It's definitely in the same ballpark I have experience in and it's in a different department so we wouldn't overlap at all. To try and place myself on the recruiters/interviewers radar, my fiance invited me to a work party to introduce me to everyone – I even met the woman who would later interview me. We chatted about her job and how much she needed an assistant, and I told her what I did and she said I should throw my hat in the ring.
This assistant job was a 6 month long contract that could potentially lead to a full time gig, and I was excited that I could do something new and be with my fiancé. Two birds, one stone. After I sent in my resume, I got a call from a third-party recruiter to set up an interview in the next few weeks. My first interview was with the woman I met at the work party, and I thought I did a great job at the interview. My thought was correct, because I got a call 30 minutes later to schedule an interview with her boss, who is an important manager at the company.
I was really excited and thought I answered everything well and truthfully. She asked where I lived and I told her on the west coast, and she asked if I would move to the south for the job and I said 100%. And then this manager started asking me personal questions, like “so your fiance works here.. will that interfere with your work?” “We've had people date in the workplace in the past, and it ended terribly” and I let her know that I'm truly a professional and would be open to chat if anyone ever truly felt concern about that. After that interview, the third party recruiter called and told me I was offered the job. I was super excited and accepted, and called my fiance afterwards.
The third party recruiter started sending me all the “welcome to the team” emails, and I was so excited, but noticed something a bit overwhelming – they wanted me to start in exactly two weeks. So I called the recruiter to see if I could let the women I interviewed with know that I would need three weeks – 2 weeks to put in my notice at work and 1 week to pack all my things and drive 30 hours to the south. She said she would chat with them and call me back – after a few minutes, she said that the two week start date was a hard date, and there was no room to give me a week. I tried explaining that I would need time to pack and drive, and my future in laws (who would own a moving trailer and would help me save moving $$$) need time to drive out.) It was back and forth with this recruiter woman, who I felt bad for because she's only the messenger. After an hour of this, she called back and said “they decided to go with someone else, so your offer is no longer available.” After a long pause she said “I'm really sorry.”
I was absolutely heartbroken – I didn't want to take it out on the recruiter woman so I told her thank you and hung up. I cried for two days straight – and was (still) blaming myself for not wanting to spend thousands of dollars to get a moving truck for a 6 month job. They didn't even offer assistance, it would be all on me financially. Anytime my fiance mentions work, I flinch and just remember how poorly those women at his job treated me, and used a third party person to communicate with me. Didn't even have the guts to apologize for what they did. I'm still at my job at the west coast, still long distance. But I feel that a part of me, my confidence and my self worth, died after this incident. I'm not sure how to carry on from here, and not sure how to lash out at my fiance anytime he mentions his job.