40 more years of monitored bathroom breaks. 40 more years of management being unable to give me direct answers about what it is my job reaponsibilities are, yet still screaming at me for not doing what's “expected” of me. 40 more years of being underpaid, overworked, and emotionally drained.
This can't be it. There has to be more to life. There has to be more than 45+ hour weeks, than getting called in on your day off because some idiot is behind schedule, than manual labor wearing me down to a pile of rubbish.
I have no passion. I never went to college, and even if I did, there is nothing on this earth I want to do for profit. Making money off a hobby (i.e. art) was the worst decision I had ever made, and now I fucking hate doing art. I hate working. I hate every job I've ever been in. I hate every job listing I've ever come across.
I've been at this company 3 years. It's the longest job I've kept without just quitting on the spot or giving my 2 weeks. And it's physically and emotionally causing me so much pain and grief. My girlfriend notices a massive mood shift between how I act when I call her on lunch, and how I act when I come home for the day. It's genuinely terrifying how angry, intense, and aggressive I become for those 10 hours.
I'm sitting on the toilet just holding back tears. I am depressed, I am exhausted, and I am so over this whole thing. Seeing articles of people in different countries being able to work 6 hour days 4 days a week almost fills me with rage. We're still living in the 1700s back in America and I am so fucking sick of it. I am so fucking sick of everyone telling me how selfish and lazy I am because I just don't want to do this anymore. But I'm fucking stuck here because I don't make enough money to move. On top of it all, I work in the worst state with the worst fucking governor (Ron DeSantis huff my fucking farts) and I can not stand it any longer.
Someone please tell me there's more to life than this.