Hello, I have a problem I'm trying to resolve as gracefully as possible, and I don't know what to do. I do apologize in advance for the length of this post, I am lost and attempting to organize my thoughts as well.
I have worked for this company for a long time now, we are extremely busy during the summer and my body cannot physically handle it: the heat, the stress, and the back pain. I intended to transfer to a different line of work last winter, an air conditioned office kind of situation, something that pays more consistently and is much more tolerable for my health. My boss convinced me to stay on for one more summer, and against my better judgement I said yes, ONLY as favor for them. I'm very sincere and loyal, and it often gets used against me, as it did in this situation. I've always had to brace for and survive summers, they are dangerous for my health, and especially so when the business doesn't have reasonable accommodations, and so I absolutely shouldn't have said yes, but I did. I regretted it immediately, but I am true to my word and so I stayed. I should have left after the heatwave of 2021 when I came close to death from heatstroke and they didn't care, until I told them the PoS started malfunctioning from the heat, and THEN they cared (about the PoS only.) They suggested putting it in the freezer for a moment, I said that was a terrible idea, you could damage the internals from condensation, you could stress fracture the screen from a sudden shift in temperature, etc. Somehow we got to close the store early finally, but they still believe putting an Ipad in the freezer for a few minutes to be a reasonable idea.
My boss (singular) has been here for almost 1/3rd of the time I've been here, and sometimes it is fine but whenever they are stressed (which is often) they constantly make it our problems. They also are quite rude and belittling when I ask clarifying questions, and because I can't stand incomplete instruction I will be the one to ask them, and because I am the only one to ask them they believe I am the only one who “doesn't get it,” when in actuality I just prefer things to not break down in the first place. They snap when I ask simple questions or attempt to explain something when they assume it works a certain way, but because they don't actually work in the stores and don't know, and because I've outlasted 4 bosses and 3 ownership transfers, I am quite literally the last veteran who has the knowledge.
They are, or believe they are quite good at gaslighting. They will be mad at how something was done and say “It's always been done this way,” and me having been there far longer than them know that it hasn't, bite my tongue and say nothing, and adopt whatever change they wanted.
They treat me like an idiot, which I know for certain is incorrect and in fact, I know if we were to take any sort of aptitude tests I would surpass them greatly, but it is impolite to be measuring such things against others in the first place, and in my upbringing manners were of the utmost importance. Because I have a quiet voice, will never interrupt and will always allow myself to be interrupted, they somehow equate this to having a superior intellect over me.
The situation has deteriorated in the last few weeks. The ownership has changed hands (which turns out is the reason they wanted me to stay through the summer,) and so on top of it being in the middle of the busiest part of the year where historically we buckle down and sell as much as we can, they have been throwing all kinds of additional work and alterations into the mix. We don't get much opportunity to deep clean the store, and this year because of the change in ownership my boss is especially focused on it. They have been even more unprofessional and petty than before to the people under them. We have adopted every little change and fixed every little issue they've had and it is never enough. The passive aggressive messages from them have reached a new high as well, and I have hit my limit. The new owners seem great and I don't want to leave them in a tight position, and the previous owner was a wonderful and honorable person and he has even passed my resume on to a friend's office, but my current boss is the singular, MASSIVE source of misery in my life. I finally stood up to one of their accusing me of something stupid a month ago, albiet gently but firmly, and they didn't like that. I have an incredible memory for social situations I'm in and can recall to a pretty high degree of precision the words spoken years back and called them on it. Honor is incredibly important to me, I cannot stand someone besmirching me or someone else, and while I've silently let them go in the past and then screamed and shredded my throat in my car, I've had enough. They were used to being able to abuse me freely, and again, I stayed this summer as a favor to them.
They have asked to have a one on one meeting with me, presumably because they are unhappy with me after I stood up for myself, making it open season on me. The thing I'm assuming to cause this was that we had gift cards for the previous company that are still in circulation. The new company said they will honor them, if they know the amount on the card we treat it as such, charge the amount, if there is any remainder give them a new company gift certificate in the amount, and take the old card. We were not given the new company gift certificates. To make the best of an incomplete situation for the two people who had remainders on their old cards, I charged them for their amount, wrote the remainder on their card in sharpie, and sent them on their way. Upon learning this it infuriated my boss. I really don't care anymore. I attempted to avoid some bad reviews for the new owners but whatever.
If you have gotten this far, thank you so much, I super appreciate you, I wish I could give you something!
This is my problem:
This is basically the only job I've ever had that is relevant, and I've worked up to store manager. I have been here for 11 years.
They are currently one of my references, but I don't think they should be anymore, especially after this situation. The other reference is my previous area manager.
I am currently actively seeking employment elsewhere. I planned to stay through October but I can't deal with them anymore.
I cannot afford to be without a job, or be without unemployment, and I live in Washington State.
Should I ask the previous owner if he would be willing to be a reference for me, or should I ask my fellow managers? My managers and I all have great relationships, I just don't know if it's appropriate to ask my previous owner that, especially as he has already done so much for me.
What should I say, if anything, in this one on one meeting? I am legendarily known as a super easy going person and so I am very unused to this feeling of extreme resentment that has built up inside me against my boss and I really don't want it to spill out and destroy my livelihood. I've actually never been able to scream in my life, so the fact that this one person has drawn it out of me on multiple occasions is quite something.
Thank you so much for your time, I really appreciate you ️