I have worked in a call center environment for 12 years. the current job I have I have been here for 10 of those years. being yelled at is annoying and on bad days it can feel like its the worst thing in the world. The worst thing is when people call in and tell you that I don't matter. they talk to you in a way to convey I am beneath them.
thing that gets to me the most is I talk to a bunch of old people and 95% of them are alone, and broke. I will never get to that point.
I have congenital heart disease and have a pacemaker and literally run off a battery. That battery is set to run out in the next six months. I am just going to let it run out. When they do pacemaker checks they turn it off to check to underlying rhythm and I literally am seconds away from passing out. Does not seem like a bad way to go.
The only reason I am at this call center is the insurance. This job has destroyed me. seriously guys if you have the option to work at a call center don't do it. You will be miserable. Once AI takes over call center jobs and they do my job for 1 week. Thats when Skynet takes over.
I did go back to school to finish my CS degree and passed all my classes but working and school is just too much. I had 2 A's in my c++ and assembly language classes and a C in discrete math. and after finals I had a B+ in both cs courses and a C+ in discrete math. I have at least 2 years left before bachelor's degree.
the last few weeks and finals I had no energy to study and have no idea how I am going to survive in a demand field that I am currently going to school for.
I have weights at home and lift 3x's a week and walk a ton on the days in between. If I get my heart rate up to high, I get chest pain. If my HR is between 100-120 its fine. so, I walk.
I am only overweight because of my eating habits, and I am only 225 my cardiologist said to get to 190 for optimal heart health.
all this exercise though does nothing for my mental health.
Another big thing that does not make me want to live is I am in constant pain. after I got covid the first time before the vaccines I had a mild case but after it I had same bad heart palpitations. they are so painful and random that I just get a short stabbing pain in the chest and it last for one second and goes away. My heart doctor is not concerned about them but after 3 years of every day just having constant chest pain is brutal. My cardiologist says it could be muscular due to the many open-heart surgeries I have had. I believe I have had 7 or 8 of them and 6 of them was before 1 year old.
another reason is I feel lost. I like coding but don't think I will be able to make it in that field. if I do it won't be for long. I will most likely die of some type of heart attack anyway for being overworked. and that's if I get one before AI takes over lol. I enjoy coding but I don't wake up in the morning wanting to code. so, to me it seems like I will most likely get bored of the job fast. I guess the saving grace is there are lots of different jobs I can get with that degree. I don't know what I like more coding or solving math problems lol.
I just wish I found something I enjoyed doing that it didn't feel like work.
I am not excited for the future so I am just going to check out.
I don't know why I am posting this at all just needed to put my thoughts out there. I think this belongs in antiwork because the way the country is going, and my job broke me.