I used to love my job and my career, but in the last few years, I've struggled with my mental/physical health, which has obviously impacted my ability to do my job well. Now I dread every day that have to get up and go to work. I actually fantasize about being d**d, just so I don't have to endure another day of spending all of my energy trying to not get fired.
Just to be absolutely clear, don't have any thoughts of self-harm (so please no “Reddit Cares”, ty), I just envy the potential calm found in nothing. No impossible deadlines, no disappointed bosses, just peace.
I've been working jobs since was 14. No meaningful breaks ever. I never wanted to have a life that revolved only around work, but when you have health issues, you burn through almost all of your energy just getting through 40 hours of work. My quality of life is terrible, as it consists of “work” and “de-stress from work”. My PTO isn't used for respite, it's all dedicated to maintaining my fragile health. I'm just SO FRUSTRATED that there's no opportunity for me other than “work full-time until I die”, or poverty.
At this point, I'm not sure if spontaneously quitting my job with no other job prospects is a terrible idea, or a necessary one…